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Should You Tell Your Children What They're Inheriting?

· 14 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Sarah, 62, spent three years debating whether to tell her two daughters about their inheritance. Her £480,000 estate included her home and savings, split 60-40 rather than equally because her eldest daughter Emma had provided years of unpaid caregiving during Sarah's illness.

When Sarah finally had the conversation, Emma felt validated and her younger daughter understood the reasoning—avoiding the dispute Sarah had witnessed between her own siblings after their mother's death.

According to research, 57% of UK parents never have this conversation, yet applications to block probate increased 56% between 2019 and 2024. The irony? Most disputes stem not from the inheritance decisions themselves, but from shock, unmet expectations, and perceived secrecy.

This article explores whether you should tell your children what they're inheriting, the pros and cons of disclosure, and practical guidance for having these conversations with confidence and compassion.

Table of Contents

The Current State of Inheritance Communication in the UK

Most British families aren't talking about inheritance. Research shows that 57% of UK parents have never discussed their will with their adult children. On the flip side, 36% of UK adults don't know what their parents' inheritance plans are.

This silence creates what researchers call an "expectations gap"—a dangerous disconnect between what parents plan to leave and what children expect to receive.

The numbers reveal a concerning pattern. While 90% of parents say their children haven't asked about inheritance, many adult children are quietly making major financial decisions based on assumptions about what they'll inherit. Some are delaying retirement savings. Others are taking on larger mortgages, assuming inheritance will help with repayment.

James, 58, assumed his three children knew he'd split everything equally. They didn't. His youngest son had been making financial decisions assuming a larger inheritance would cover his business loan—a shock James only discovered when his son mentioned it casually at Christmas dinner.

This cultural taboo about discussing money runs deep in British families. We'll happily mention property values at dinner parties, but combining wealth with death feels improper, even morbid. Yet this silence has consequences.

Why Most Parents Avoid the Inheritance Conversation

The reasons parents avoid discussing inheritance are both practical and emotional. Understanding these concerns helps explain why this conversation feels so difficult.

Fear of family conflict tops the list. If you're planning unequal distributions, you worry about siblings comparing and feeling slighted. Will your decision create resentment that outlives you? Margaret, 67, kept her plans private because she worried her spendthrift son would quit his job if he knew he'd inherit £150,000. Her concern wasn't unreasonable—knowledge of future wealth can change behaviour.

Uncertainty about the future makes promises feel risky. David, 71, genuinely didn't know whether care home costs would consume his £320,000 estate. How could he tell his children what they'd inherit when he might need every penny himself?

Average age when the last surviving parent dies has risen from 58 for those born in the 1960s to 64 for those born in the 1980s. Longer lives mean decades of uncertainty about what will remain.

Loss of control worries some parents. Once children know the details, will they pressure you to change your plans? Will they start treating inheritance as their money rather than yours?

Privacy matters too. Your wealth is nobody's business while you're alive, even your children's. Some people find discussing personal finances intrusive regardless of family relationship.

The awkwardness factor can't be dismissed. Death and money are both uncomfortable topics in British culture. Combining them in one conversation feels impossible. Parents don't know what words to use or how to start.

These concerns are valid and common. They're not signs of family dysfunction—they're normal reactions to a genuinely difficult situation.

The Case for Telling Your Children What They're Inheriting

Despite the discomfort, strong evidence supports disclosure in many circumstances. The statistics on inheritance disputes tell a compelling story.

Preventing Inheritance Disputes

Inheritance disputes rose 61% between 2020 and 2024, with 122 challenges to wills in 2024/25 compared to 76 in 2020/21. Applications to block probate rose 56% between 2019 and 2024, from 7,268 to 11,362 annual cases.

Over 10,000 inheritance disputes now reach UK courts annually, a 5% increase between 2023 and 2024 alone. Most of these disputes share a common thread—families were shocked by the will's contents.

When one child receives more due to caregiving or previous help, explaining your reasoning now prevents resentment later. The distribution itself might be entirely fair, but without context, it looks like favouritism.

Michael, 69, told his three children he was leaving most of his estate to his youngest son with autism who would never be financially independent. His other children not only understood—they supported the decision and offered to help ensure their brother was cared for.

Managing Unrealistic Expectations

One-third of UK adults expect to receive inheritance in the next two decades, with 27% facing potential financial crisis without it—that's approximately 5 million people. Research shows 18.4 million UK adults rely financially on future inheritances to varying degrees.

Nearly two-fifths of British citizens would challenge inheritance distributions if portions fell short of expectations. Your children may be making current financial decisions—buying homes, planning retirement, supporting their own children—based on incorrect assumptions about what you'll leave them.

Karen, 54, discovered after her father's death that he'd promised her brother the family home. Had she known, she wouldn't have factored inheritance into her own downsizing plans. The surprise left her financially strained and resentful toward her brother.

Enabling Better Financial Planning

When children understand what to expect, they can plan more realistically. They might save more for retirement, approach home buying differently, or adjust their own estate plans.

Communication also opens discussions about lifetime gifts. Helping with a house deposit while you're alive to see your children benefit might provide more value than leaving everything at death. Understanding potential inheritance tax liability allows for better advance planning across generations.

Explaining Difficult Decisions

Some decisions require explanation to be understood properly. Emma received 60% of Sarah's estate because she provided five years of unpaid caregiving while working part-time. Without that context, the unequal distribution might look like favouritism rather than fair compensation.

Unequal distribution because one child already received an £80,000 deposit gift needs explanation. The decision is about lifetime balance, not about loving one child more—but that reasoning needs to be communicated.

The chance to clarify that your decisions reflect circumstances, not love or favouritism, can preserve family relationships after your death.

The Case for Keeping Inheritance Plans Private

Privacy is equally valid. Counter-arguments for discretion deserve serious consideration.

Behavioural Concerns

Knowledge of large inheritance can reduce motivation. Tom's son quit his stable job after learning he'd inherit £200,000, only to find care costs reduced the estate to £75,000 five years later. What seemed like financial security evaporated, leaving his son worse off than if he'd never known.

Children might make poor decisions based on anticipated windfall—taking on excessive debt, making risky investments, or spending money they don't yet have. The expectation of future wealth can be as damaging as debt.

Family Dynamics

Disclosure might invite unwanted opinions about your choices. Some children might pressure you to change plans, creating conflict before your death rather than preventing it afterward.

Even justified unequal distributions can cause siblings to compare and feel slighted. Rachel, 64, kept her plans private because her relationship with her estranged daughter was complicated. She didn't want to invite reconciliation attempts motivated by money rather than genuine care.

Some families simply aren't emotionally equipped for this conversation. If relationships are already strained, disclosure might worsen tensions rather than prevent future disputes.

Uncertainty and Flexibility

Patrick, 70, chose not to disclose because he genuinely didn't know what would remain after potential care costs. With residential care averaging £35,000-£60,000 annually in the UK, a £300,000 estate could disappear in five to eight years.

Circumstances and relationships change over decades. What seems fair now might not be appropriate in ten years. Parents might need funds for medical costs, wish to make different gifts, or need to respond to changing family situations.

Maintaining flexibility allows you to adapt your plans as life unfolds without having to explain or justify changes to disappointed beneficiaries.

Privacy Rights

You have no legal obligation to disclose inheritance plans while you're alive. Your personal wealth, accumulated over a lifetime, is private information. Some people find discussing personal finances intrusive regardless of family relationship.

This perspective is entirely legitimate. Your estate is yours to manage as you see fit, and privacy is a reasonable choice.

What the Data Tells Us About Inheritance Expectations

The gap between expectations and reality creates fertile ground for disputes. Understanding this disconnect helps explain why communication matters.

The Expectations Gap

One-third of UK adults expect to receive inheritance in the next two decades, with over 50% of millennials and those aged 35-44 financially dependent on receiving it. Approximately 18.4 million UK adults—roughly one-third of the adult population—rely financially on future inheritances to varying degrees.

Research from 2019 revealed that while average inheritance between 2017 and 2019 stood at £50,000, adults aged 18-54 expected windfalls of around £150,000—three times the actual amount. This isn't just optimism—it's potentially life-altering miscalculation.

Many children overestimate both the likelihood and amount of inheritance. They see their parents' £400,000 home and assume that equals £400,000 inheritance, forgetting equity release, care costs, or their parents' desire to enjoy their own wealth.

The Rising Reliance on Inheritance

61% of UK parents are considering giving children early inheritance, with 49% having already given financial gifts. The cost of living crisis and difficulty entering the property market have made younger generations more financially dependent on parental wealth.

Use of family gifts and loans for first-time buyers rose from 22% in 1995-96 to 29% in 2015-16, and the trend continues. Inheritance has become a assumed part of many people's financial planning.

Linda, 59, was surprised when her daughter revealed she'd been counting on inheritance to fund early retirement. Linda's plan was to spend it on travel and enjoy her final decades—a conflict neither had anticipated because they'd never discussed it.

The Reality Check

64% of parents worry about children having to pay inheritance tax, but only 4.62% of UK deaths result in an IHT charge. Perceptions about inheritance tax often exceed reality.

Yet IHT receipts between April 2024 and February 2025 hit £7.6 billion, £800 million higher than the previous year, showing that while most estates don't pay IHT, those that do are paying more.

Care costs can dramatically reduce estates. With residential care averaging £35,000-£60,000 annually in the UK, even substantial estates can disappear faster than families anticipate.

The gap between expectations and reality is where most disputes are born. Communication can close that gap before it becomes a chasm.

How to Decide What's Right for Your Family

There's no universal answer about disclosure. The best choice depends on your specific circumstances. This framework helps you decide.

Factors That Favour Disclosure

Consider discussing inheritance plans when:

  • Your children are mature, financially responsible adults, typically aged 35 and older
  • You're making unequal distributions that could cause resentment without explanation
  • Your children are making significant financial decisions like buying homes or planning retirement
  • Your estate is complex, involving trusts, business assets, or multiple properties
  • You're considering lifetime gifts and want to discuss timing and amounts
  • Your family has a history of good communication about difficult topics
  • You want to explain reasoning while you're alive to answer questions

Andrew, 66, decided to disclose because his estate included a business requiring specific succession planning. His children needed time to prepare, understand their roles, and make informed career decisions.

Factors That Favour Privacy

Consider keeping plans private when:

  • Your children are young or financially immature
  • Significant uncertainty exists about your future needs and remaining estate value
  • Family dynamics are strained or contentious
  • You're uncomfortable discussing personal finances
  • Disclosure might negatively change your children's behaviour or motivation
  • Your estate is straightforward and distributions are equal
  • You prefer maintaining complete flexibility to change plans as circumstances evolve

Claire, 61, chose privacy because she genuinely didn't know whether care costs would consume her estate. She couldn't promise what might not exist.

The Middle Ground: Partial Disclosure

You don't have to choose between total transparency and complete secrecy. Many families find middle ground:

  • Discuss structure without specific amounts: "I'm splitting my estate equally between you three"
  • Explain reasoning without revealing values: "I'm leaving more to your brother because he'll care for your sister with disabilities"
  • Share location of documents and key contacts without full financial details
  • Discuss general principles: "I believe in equal treatment" or "I plan to account for lifetime gifts already given"

The "graduated disclosure" approach works for many families. Start with "I've created a will" conversation, gauge the reaction, then decide whether to share more based on how that initial discussion unfolds.

Decision-Making Questions

Ask yourself:

  1. Are my children mature enough to handle this information responsibly?
  2. Would my children benefit from knowing sooner rather than learning after my death?
  3. Am I making decisions that could seem unfair without proper context?
  4. Is uncertainty about my future needs significant enough to delay disclosure?
  5. Would this conversation strengthen or damage family relationships?

Your honest answers to these questions should guide your decision. There's no shame in choosing privacy, and there's no universal requirement for transparency.

How to Have the Inheritance Conversation (If You Decide to Do It)

If you decide disclosure is right for your family, practical guidance helps you navigate this difficult conversation with confidence.

Timing and Setting

Choose a neutral, private setting where everyone feels comfortable. Your kitchen table often works better than a formal dining room—familiar and relaxed without being casual.

Allow adequate time. This isn't a conversation to rush between other activities. Block out at least an hour with no interruptions.

Consider whether to speak to children individually or together. This depends entirely on family dynamics. If siblings get along well, a group conversation ensures everyone hears the same information. If relationships are strained, individual conversations allow each person to process privately.

Best timing includes when you create or update your will, during major life transitions like retirement or downsizing, or when children reach financial maturity in their mid-thirties or beyond.

What to Say: The Conversation Structure

Opening (2-3 minutes):

"I want to talk about my will and what will happen after I'm gone. This isn't about imminent death—I'm in good health. But I've been doing some estate planning, and I think it's important you understand my wishes."

Explain why you're having this conversation now. Reassure them this is about responsible planning, not worrying health news.

Middle (10-20 minutes):

Explain your estate structure: "My estate includes my home, savings, and pension, worth approximately £350,000 to £400,000. The exact amount will depend on what happens between now and my death, especially if I need care."

Clarify what's covered by your will versus other mechanisms. Life insurance passes to named beneficiaries. Pension has its own nomination form. Jointly owned property passes automatically to the surviving owner.

Explain your distribution approach: "I'm splitting everything equally between you three" or "I'm dividing assets 60-40 between you two, which I'll explain."

If distributions are unequal, provide clear, compassionate reasoning now.

Discuss any conditions or expectations. Should the family home be sold or kept? Are there items with sentimental value you want specific people to have?

Closing (5-10 minutes):

Invite questions and give honest answers. If you don't know something—like whether care costs will reduce the estate—say so honestly.

Explain where documents are located. Name your executor and explain their role.

Clarify that plans might change based on circumstances. You're sharing current thinking, not making binding promises about specific amounts.

End on an emotional note: "This is about making sure you're taken care of and that you understand my reasoning. I love you both equally, even though the numbers might not be identical."

How to Explain Unequal Distributions

Unequal distributions require particular care. The reasoning must be clear and delivered with empathy.

Caregiving recognition:

"Emma, you've provided five years of caregiving while working part-time, sacrificing career advancement and earnings. Your sister had her full career. The 60-40 split reflects that contribution and sacrifice, not a difference in how much I love you both."

Previous gifts:

"James, you received £80,000 for your house deposit five years ago. Your brother received nothing at the time. The will leaves him a larger share to balance lifetime gifts. Over your lifetimes, you'll have received similar amounts."

Different needs:

"Your brother has a disability and will never be financially independent. I'm leaving him 70% in a trust managed by professional trustees to ensure he's always cared for. You two are financially stable and established. He isn't and never will be, through no fault of his own."

The key is explaining that circumstances, not favouritism, drive your decisions.

What NOT to Say

Avoid creating unrealistic expectations:

  • ❌ "You'll get enough to retire early" (circumstances change)
  • ❌ "Don't worry about money after I'm gone" (too absolute)
  • ❌ "I'm definitely leaving you the cottage" (you might need to sell it for care)
  • ❌ "This is final and will never change" (maintain flexibility)

Keep discussions about intentions and current plans, not binding promises about specific assets or amounts.

Follow-Up

Document key points in a letter of wishes—a non-binding document that explains your reasoning. This clarifies your thinking for executors and beneficiaries even though it's not legally binding.

Update your children if circumstances significantly change. If you need to sell property, take out equity release, or substantially change your plans, let them know.

Revisit the conversation every five to ten years or after major life changes like marriages, divorces, births, or deaths in the family.

Helen, 68, held a family meeting with all three children present. She used a simple agenda, invited questions throughout, and avoided ambiguity. The conversation went better than she'd feared, and her children thanked her for the honesty.

Special Circumstances: When Communication Is Essential

Some situations make communication a practical necessity rather than just a nice-to-have. Recognising these circumstances helps you understand when discretion isn't really an option.

Complex Estates

Business succession planning requires advance notice. George, 72, owned a business with two partners. His children needed to know he'd arranged for partners to buy out his share rather than inherit the business directly. Without that knowledge, they might have assumed the business would become theirs, creating impossible expectations.

Multiple properties across jurisdictions create complexity requiring explanation. Trusts with specific conditions need beneficiaries who understand the structure. Digital assets increasingly require passwords and access information that can't wait until after death.

Unequal Distributions

Research shows 43% of UK parents don't plan to split wealth evenly between children, yet most don't communicate this. Any distribution that isn't equal or near-equal needs explanation to prevent disputes.

The reasoning might be perfectly sound—compensating for previous gifts, recognising caregiving, accounting for different needs. But without explanation, it looks like favouritism and breeds resentment.

Executor Expectations

Named executors must know they've been chosen and where documents are located. Executorship involves significant responsibility—dealing with financial institutions, managing estate administration, potentially mediating between beneficiaries.

Surprise appointments cause problems. Your executor needs to know while you're alive, have the chance to decline if they're not comfortable, and understand where to find critical documents when needed.

Dependent Beneficiaries

Wendy, 58, created a special needs trust for her son with autism. His siblings needed to understand why and how it worked. Without that context, they might have felt slighted or, worse, tried to challenge the trust after Wendy's death.

Vulnerable beneficiaries requiring ongoing financial management need protection from potential financial abuse. Family members need to understand the protective structures you've put in place.

Previous Marriages and Blended Families

Complex family structures create high dispute risk. Children from different relationships often have very different expectations and relationships with step-parents. Clear communication about who inherits what, and why, prevents the bitter disputes that plague many blended families.

When you have children from a previous marriage and a current spouse, everyone needs clarity about what happens when. Does everything go to your spouse first, then to children? Are children provided for immediately? The answers affect everyone involved.

What Executors Need to Know

Your executor needs practical information regardless of what you tell beneficiaries:

  • Location of your will, death certificate (when issued), and asset documentation
  • Usernames and passwords for online accounts and digital assets
  • Names and contact details for your solicitor, financial adviser, and accountant
  • Existence of any trusts or complex arrangements
  • Your wishes about funeral arrangements

This information should be documented separately and kept with your will or in a known location.

Understanding the legal framework around inheritance disclosure helps you make informed decisions without unintended consequences.

You are not legally required to tell anyone about your will or inheritance plans while you're alive. This is fundamental—you have complete legal freedom to maintain privacy.

Beneficiaries have no legal right to know before your death. They only gain rights to information after you die, when they can request sight of the will after probate is granted.

Complete privacy about your estate plans is legally permissible. If you choose discretion, no law prevents that choice.

Proprietary Estoppel Risk

Proprietary estoppel allows individuals to claim rights in property based on promises they relied on to their detriment. Three elements must be present: a clear assurance about identified property, detrimental reliance on that assurance, and unconscionability in breaking the promise.

Patricia, 69, told her son he'd "definitely inherit the cottage." When she later needed to sell it for care costs, her son claimed proprietary estoppel. He had turned down job relocation assuming he'd have the cottage, suffering career detriment based on her promise.

The assurance must relate to identified property and be "clear enough" that it relates to such property. A promise of "financial security" would fail because it doesn't relate to an identified asset.

Mitigation is simple: keep discussions general. Talk about intentions rather than promises. Say "I'm planning to" rather than "I promise I will." This protects both your flexibility and your children from unenforceable expectations.

Undue Influence Concerns

Having conversations while you have full mental capacity actually protects against future claims of undue influence. If you explain your reasoning now, it becomes harder for disappointed beneficiaries to claim someone manipulated you later.

Robert, 74, documented his reasoning for unequal distribution in a letter of wishes. When his will was challenged, this evidence helped demonstrate his clear thinking and intent, successfully defending against the claim.

What Beneficiaries Are Entitled To After Death

After your death, beneficiaries can request sight of the will once probate is granted. Executors must provide accounts showing estate administration—how assets were collected, debts paid, and distributions made.

Beneficiaries can challenge a will on specific grounds including lack of testamentary capacity, undue influence, fraud, forgery, or failure to make reasonable provision under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

The Inheritance Act 1975 allows certain people to claim reasonable provision if they've been left out or inadequately provided for. This includes spouses, former spouses (in some circumstances), children, anyone treated as a child of the family, and anyone financially maintained by you.

This area is complex. If you're concerned about potential claims, consult a solicitor specialising in wills and estates.

Documentation Best Practices

A letter of wishes is a non-binding document explaining your reasoning. It sits alongside your will, clarifying unequal distributions, special circumstances, or personal wishes. While not legally binding, it helps executors understand your thinking and can reduce disputes by demonstrating your clear intent.

If you're concerned about future capacity challenges, consider having your GP or solicitor document your mental capacity when creating your will. This is particularly important if you're making unusual or contentious decisions that might invite challenge.

Review your will every five years or after major life changes—marriage, divorce, birth, death, or significant asset changes. If you've disclosed plans to your children, update them when circumstances change significantly.

What NOT to Do

Certain actions create legal problems:

  • ❌ Making binding promises about specific assets you might need to sell
  • ❌ Encouraging children to make irreversible decisions based on inheritance expectations
  • ❌ Discussing plans when your mental capacity is questionable (opens door to challenges)
  • ❌ Using inheritance as a tool for control or manipulation

Keep discussions focused on information sharing, not control or promises.

Conclusion

Whether you choose transparency or privacy, your decision should reflect your family's unique dynamics, your children's maturity, and your own comfort level with disclosure.

Key takeaways:

  • There's no legal requirement to disclose—privacy is a legitimate choice supported by law
  • Communication can prevent the shock and unrealistic expectations that fuel most disputes, with over 10,000 inheritance cases reaching UK courts annually
  • Unequal distributions almost always require explanation to prevent sibling resentment and family conflict
  • Partial disclosure offers middle ground—explain structure and reasoning without revealing exact amounts
  • The foundation matters more than the conversation—having a legally valid, clearly documented will is essential regardless of what you disclose

There is no universal "right" answer about inheritance disclosure. What works for one family might be completely wrong for another. Some families thrive on openness; others function better with boundaries and privacy.

What matters most is that your wishes are clearly documented in a legally valid will, giving your family the certainty they need regardless of what you've discussed while alive.

Need Help with Your Will?

Whether you decide to discuss your inheritance plans with your children or keep them private, the foundation is the same—a clearly documented, legally valid will. That's what protects your family and ensures your wishes are followed.

Create your will with confidence using WUHLD's guided platform. For just £99.99, you'll get your complete will (legally binding when properly executed and witnessed) plus three expert guides. Preview your will free before paying anything—no credit card required.

Legal Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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