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Letter of Wishes: What Is It and How to Write One

· 28 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Emma had spent six months carefully writing her will, ensuring every financial detail was correct. But when she died suddenly at 42, her family discovered she'd never told anyone about her most treasured possessions. Her grandmother's engagement ring went to her daughter, as specified in the will—but no one knew Emma had promised her vintage record collection to her nephew who shared her passion for music. Her parents spent weeks arguing about her funeral arrangements, each convinced they knew what she would have wanted.

A letter of wishes could have prevented all of this.

While 53% of UK adults now have a will, many don't realize a will can't capture every personal preference. According to MetLife UK research, 51% of the recently bereaved were unaware of the deceased's funeral wishes, and only 44% of adults have discussed their funeral preferences with family.

This article explains exactly what a letter of wishes is, why you need one, what to include, and how to write one that truly reflects your intentions.

Table of Contents

What Is a Letter of Wishes?

A letter of wishes is a non-legally binding document that accompanies your will, providing guidance to your executors and trustees on how you'd like your estate managed after your death. Unlike your will, which becomes a public document during probate, your letter of wishes remains confidential and can be updated at any time without formal legal procedures.

Think of it this way: your will is the legal blueprint for your estate—who inherits your house, your savings, who raises your children. Your letter of wishes is the personal guidebook—what music you want at your funeral, why you chose that particular guardian for your children, who should receive your mother's jewelry that holds sentimental value but wasn't significant enough to specify in your will.

The primary purposes of a letter of wishes include documenting your funeral preferences, guiding the distribution of personal items not mentioned in your will, providing context for guardians raising your children, and explaining decisions you made in your will that might otherwise cause confusion or hurt feelings.

Unlike a will, which requires two witnesses and must follow strict legal formalities under the Wills Act 1837, a letter of wishes can be written in plain English without any legal language or witnesses. You can handwrite it or type it, update it as often as you like, and share it with whoever you choose—or keep it entirely private until after your death.

It's important to understand that a letter of wishes is separate from but complementary to a will. Your will contains legally binding instructions that must be followed. Your letter of wishes provides personal guidance and preferences that should be considered and respected, but aren't legally enforceable.

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Is a Letter of Wishes Legally Binding?

No, a letter of wishes is not legally binding in the UK. This is a crucial distinction that many people misunderstand, so let's be absolutely clear about what this means in practice.

When we say a letter of wishes is "non-binding," it means that while your executors and trustees should take your wishes seriously and consider them when making decisions, they are not legally obligated to follow them. If your will says "I leave £10,000 to my brother," your executors must do that—it's legally binding. If your letter of wishes says "I'd like my brother to receive my vintage watch collection," your executors should honor that, but they're not legally required to.

However, this doesn't mean your letter of wishes is worthless or will be ignored. In practice, most executors and trustees respect letters of wishes, especially when they're clearly written and align with the overall intentions expressed in your will. Trustees of discretionary trusts have an established legal duty to consider the settlor's wishes as expressed in a letter of wishes, though they must balance these wishes against their overriding fiduciary duties to beneficiaries.

The non-binding nature of a letter of wishes is actually beneficial in many ways. It provides flexibility for your executors and trustees to adapt to circumstances that may have changed since you wrote the letter. It allows you to update your preferences easily without the formal process of creating a codicil to your will. And it keeps your personal guidance confidential, unlike your will, which becomes a public document after probate.

If your will contains legally binding instructions and your letter of wishes provides complementary guidance that doesn't contradict the will, your wishes are far more likely to be honored. The key is ensuring your letter works alongside your will, not against it.

Letter of Wishes vs Will: Key Differences

Understanding the distinction between a will and a letter of wishes is essential for effective estate planning. Here's a comprehensive comparison:

Aspect Will Letter of Wishes
Legal Status Legally binding Non-binding guidance
Formalities Required Must be signed with 2 witnesses present No formal requirements
Privacy Becomes public after probate Remains confidential
Updating Process Requires codicil or new will with witnesses Can be rewritten anytime
Content Type Legal instructions and asset distribution Personal preferences and guidance
Who Can Read It Public record after probate Only people you choose
Cost to Change May require solicitor (£100-£300+) Free to update anytime
Legal Protection Enforceable by law Moral weight only

This table makes it clear: use your will for anything that must legally happen, and use your letter of wishes for everything else that provides context, guidance, or personal expression.

So when should you use each document? Use your will to legally appoint executors and guardians, distribute assets with specific monetary values, create trusts, and make binding decisions about your estate. Use your letter of wishes to express funeral preferences, distribute sentimental items without specific monetary value, provide guidance to guardians about raising your children, explain why you made certain decisions in your will, and leave personal messages to loved ones.

Consider Sarah's situation: She wanted her daughter to inherit her £15,000 diamond necklace—that belongs in the will as a legally binding bequest. She also wanted her daughter to understand why she chose to leave more to her son than her daughter—that explanation belongs in the letter of wishes, where it provides context without legal force.

The key principle is this: your will handles the legal "must-dos," while your letter of wishes handles the personal "I'd-likes."

Why You Need a Letter of Wishes

Even if you have a comprehensive will, a letter of wishes serves important purposes that your will simply cannot address. Here's why you should take the time to create one:

Prevents Family Disputes

When David died, his three adult children spent weeks arguing about his funeral. His daughter insisted he wanted cremation because he once mentioned being "buried alive" gave him anxiety. His son was certain he wanted burial because David was religious. His other daughter thought he wanted a woodland burial because he loved nature. A five-minute letter of wishes would have prevented all of this pain and conflict.

Research from MetLife UK found that 51% of the recently bereaved were unaware of the deceased's funeral wishes, and 28% didn't know whether their loved one preferred burial or cremation. This lack of communication leads to family arguments during an already difficult time.

Preserves Your Legacy for Personal Items

Jennifer had a vintage record collection worth about £800—not enough to specify in her will, which focused on her house and savings. But her nephew, who shared her passion for music, treasured every album and the stories behind them. Without a letter of wishes, the executors sold the collection at a car boot sale for £50. Jennifer would have been heartbroken.

Your will typically addresses significant assets, but what about your grandmother's recipe book, your father's tools, your collection of first-edition books, or your jewelry with sentimental value? A letter of wishes ensures these items go to people who will cherish them.

Provides Peace of Mind

Knowing your preferences are documented reduces anxiety for you now and prevents confusion for your loved ones later. You won't lie awake wondering if your family will guess correctly about your funeral, or worry that your children won't understand why you made certain decisions.

Guides Difficult Decisions

If you've appointed guardians for your children, they'll face countless decisions about how to raise them if something happens to you. A letter of wishes can provide invaluable guidance: your values, your approach to education, your religious or cultural preferences, activities your children love, and relationships you want maintained.

Similarly, if you've created a discretionary trust, trustees will need to make judgment calls about distributions. Your letter of wishes helps them understand your priorities and values.

Maintains Privacy

Unlike your will, which becomes a public document after probate, your letter of wishes remains confidential. You can include personal explanations, family context, or sensitive information that you wouldn't want in a public record.

Easy to Update

Life changes. You have more grandchildren. Your views on your funeral evolve. Your nephew who you wanted to receive your record collection moves abroad. Unlike a will, which requires formal amendment, you can update your letter of wishes at any time by simply writing a new one.

A letter of wishes takes about 30 minutes to write but prevents weeks of family conflict and ensures your most personal wishes are honored. It's a small time investment with significant benefits for the people you love.

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What to Include in Your Letter of Wishes

A comprehensive letter of wishes typically covers six main categories. Here's what to include in each:

1. Funeral and Memorial Wishes

Your funeral is one of the first decisions your family will face, often within days of your death. Clear guidance prevents stress and disagreements during an emotionally difficult time.

Include your preferences for burial versus cremation, the type of service you'd like (religious, humanist, civil ceremony, or celebration of life), specific music selections, readings or poems you'd like included, dress code preferences (traditional black or celebration colors), whether you prefer flowers or charitable donations, and any specific requests about viewing arrangements or the casket.

For example: "I prefer cremation. I'd like a celebration of life rather than a traditional funeral, with 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole played at the end. I'd prefer people to wear bright colors rather than black, and donations to Cancer Research UK instead of flowers. Please scatter my ashes in the garden of the family home where I spent so many happy years."

2. Distribution of Personal Possessions

These are items with sentimental rather than significant financial value—things that didn't warrant specific mention in your will but matter deeply to you and your loved ones.

Consider family heirlooms, sentimental jewelry, book or record collections, art or photographs, tools or craft supplies, and digital assets like photo libraries or social media accounts.

Be specific: "My grandmother's gold locket with the engraving 'Love Always, 1942' to my daughter Emma. My pearl necklace and matching earrings to my daughter Sophie. My collection of vintage brooches to my granddaughter when she turns 18. My mother's handwritten recipe book to whoever among my children enjoys cooking the most. My father's watch collection and tools from the garage to my son James."

3. Guidance for Guardians

If you've appointed guardians for your children in your will, your letter of wishes can provide invaluable guidance about how to raise them according to your values and preferences.

Include your parenting approach and values, education preferences and priorities, religious or cultural upbringing wishes, extracurricular activities your children currently enjoy, relationships you want maintained (with grandparents, close friends, etc.), and any special needs or medical considerations.

For example: "Emma and James are close to their grandparents on both sides—please ensure they visit regularly and maintain those bonds. Emma is passionate about ballet and has been training at the Royal Academy for three years; please continue her lessons if possible as it brings her so much joy. James has ADHD and works with Dr. Sarah Thompson at the clinic on Haverstock Road—please maintain that therapeutic relationship as it's been incredibly beneficial for him."

4. Guidance for Trustees

If your will includes discretionary trusts, trustees will have significant decision-making power about distributions. Your letter of wishes helps them understand your priorities and intentions.

Specify which beneficiaries you consider priorities, circumstances when you'd support distributions (education, home purchase, business start-up, medical needs), your values regarding money management and financial responsibility, and any special circumstances they should consider.

For example: "I hope the trustees will prioritize my children's education, including university and potentially postgraduate study if they're academically inclined. I'd like distributions for first home purchases up to £50,000 per child, adjusted for inflation. I'd support business start-ups if they present the trustees with a solid business plan and commitment. Please avoid large lump sums before age 25 unless for education or property, as I want them to develop financial responsibility gradually."

5. Explanations for Your Decisions

Sometimes the decisions in your will need context to prevent hurt feelings or confusion. Your letter of wishes is the place to provide that explanation.

You might explain why you chose certain executors or guardians, reasons for unequal distributions among beneficiaries, why you excluded someone from your will, or context for specific bequests.

For example: "I've left £30,000 less to my son James than to my daughter Emma, not because I love him less, but because I gave him £30,000 in 2020 to start his business. When this earlier gift is considered, I've ultimately treated them equally. I chose my sister Sarah as guardian rather than my brother because she lives closer to the children's school and has a similar parenting approach to mine."

6. Personal Messages

Your letter of wishes is your final opportunity to speak to the people you love. Don't miss the chance to leave words of comfort, encouragement, and love.

You might include expressions of love and appreciation, life advice or wisdom you want to share, explanations of your values and what mattered most to you, and encouragement for specific situations your loved ones might face.

For example: "To my children: I'm so proud of the people you've become. Please take care of each other, and remember that family is the most important thing in life. To my grandchildren: Live fully, take risks, chase your dreams, and never stop learning. Life is short and precious—make it count."

What NOT to Include in Your Letter of Wishes

Just as important as knowing what to include is understanding what doesn't belong in a letter of wishes. These items must go in your will instead:

1. Monetary Gifts or Bequests

Because a letter of wishes is not legally binding, any monetary gifts mentioned in it won't be honored by law.

Wrong: "I'd like my nephew to receive £5,000." This belongs in your will as a specific bequest, not in your letter of wishes.

2. Specific Valuable Assets

High-value items need the legal protection of your will. As a general rule, items worth over £1,000 should be specified in your will, not just your letter of wishes.

Wrong: "My diamond ring valued at £8,000 should go to my daughter." This must be included as a specific bequest in your will to ensure it's legally protected and properly distributed.

3. Appointment of Executors or Guardians

These are legal appointments that must be made in your will to have any force. However, you can use your letter of wishes to explain why you chose them.

Wrong: "I appoint my sister Sarah as guardian of my children." This must be in your will.

Right: After appointing Sarah in your will, explain in your letter: "I chose Sarah as guardian because she shares my values, my children adore her, and she lives near their school so they can maintain stability."

4. Legally Binding Instructions

Only your will can create legal obligations for your executors or beneficiaries.

Wrong: "My executors must sell my house within six months and divide proceeds equally among my children." This instruction must be in your will to be legally binding.

5. Instructions That Contradict Your Will

Never let your letter of wishes contradict your will. This creates confusion and may even support legal challenges to your will based on questions about your mental capacity.

Disaster scenario: Your will says "I leave my house to my son." Your letter of wishes says "I actually want my daughter to have my house." This contradiction could invalidate your will or lead to expensive legal disputes.

6. Information That Requires Immediate Action

Letters of wishes are typically read days or even weeks after your death, often after the funeral. They're not suitable for time-sensitive information.

Wrong: Organ donation wishes (use the NHS Organ Donor Register instead), emergency medical decisions (create an Advance Decision), or immediate financial needs (establish these in your will or through life insurance).

The golden rule: if it's legally important or financially significant, it belongs in your will, not your letter of wishes. Your will contains binding legal instructions; your letter provides personal guidance and preferences.

How to Write a Letter of Wishes: Step-by-Step

Writing a letter of wishes is straightforward. Here's a practical seven-step process with time estimates for each stage:

Step 1: Gather Your Thoughts (15 minutes)

Before you start writing, take time to consider what you want to include. Review your will to identify what's missing—personal items you care about but didn't mention, guidance your guardians or trustees might need, explanations that would prevent confusion.

List personal items not mentioned in your will, note your funeral preferences in detail, consider what messages you want to leave, think about guidance for guardians if you have children, and reflect on explanations that might help your loved ones understand your decisions.

Step 2: Choose Your Format (5 minutes)

You can handwrite or type your letter of wishes—both are equally valid. There's no need for formal legal language. Write in plain, conversational English as if you're speaking directly to the people who will read it.

While it's not legally required, it's good practice to date and sign your letter of wishes so there's no confusion about which version is current.

Here's a simple format to follow:

Letter of Wishes

[Your full name]
[Date]

To my executors, trustees, and loved ones:

This letter accompanies my will dated [date of your will]. While my will contains legally binding instructions, this letter provides additional guidance on my personal preferences.

[Your content organized by section]

Signed: _______________
Date: _______________

Step 3: Organize by Category (30 minutes)

Structure your letter logically so it's easy for your executors and loved ones to find the information they need. Start with funeral wishes—these are the most time-sensitive for your family. Then move to personal possessions and their distribution. Add guardianship guidance if you have children. Include trustee guidance if you've created trusts in your will. End with explanations for decisions and personal messages.

Step 4: Be Specific and Clear (20 minutes)

Vague instructions cause confusion. Be as specific as possible about items, people, and your reasoning.

Use people's full names rather than relationships, because relationships can change. If someone remarries or you have additional grandchildren, "my daughter Emma" is clearer than "my eldest daughter."

Describe items clearly so there's no confusion about what you mean. Instead of "my jewelry to my daughters," write: "My grandmother's gold locket with the engraving 'Love Always, 1942' to my daughter Emma. My pearl necklace and matching earrings to my daughter Sophie."

Provide context when it helps clarify your thinking or prevents misunderstandings.

Step 5: Review for Consistency (10 minutes)

Before finalizing your letter, check carefully that it doesn't contradict your will. Ensure all family members mentioned are correctly named with no spelling errors. Verify you haven't accidentally included monetary gifts or valuable asset distributions that belong in your will. Confirm there are no legal instructions that should be in your will instead.

While you're not required to share your letter of wishes with anyone, it's wise to tell your executors and trustees that it exists and where they can find it. You might consider sharing relevant sections with guardians so they understand your wishes for your children's upbringing. You don't have to share the entire contents with everyone—it's your choice who knows what.

Step 7: Store Safely with Your Will (5 minutes)

Keep your letter of wishes with your will, but don't attach it. Anything physically attached to your will may be considered part of it, requiring the same legal formalities. Tell your executors where both documents are stored. Consider giving a copy to your solicitor or a trusted person who can ensure it's found when needed.

Total time investment: approximately 90 minutes to create a comprehensive letter of wishes that will guide your loved ones and prevent confusion after your death.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-intentioned letters of wishes can cause problems if they contain these common errors:

Some people use overly formal legal language, thinking it makes the letter more authoritative. Remember, this is a personal document. Write conversationally in plain English, as if you're speaking to your family.

Mistake 2: Contradicting Your Will

This is perhaps the most serious mistake. If your will leaves your house to your son but your letter suggests your daughter should have it, you've created a potential legal nightmare that could lead to expensive disputes and even challenges to your will's validity.

Solution: Review your will carefully before writing your letter, and ensure everything in the letter aligns with what's in the will.

Mistake 3: Being Vague About Items

Writing "my jewelry to my daughters" when you have multiple pieces and multiple daughters is a recipe for conflict.

Wrong: "My books to whoever wants them."

Right: "My collection of first-edition Jane Austen novels to my daughter Emma, who shares my love of literature. My gardening books to my son James for his new garden project. My cookbooks to my granddaughter Sophie when she moves into her first home."

Mistake 4: Forgetting to Update It

Life changes. You have more grandchildren. Your views about your funeral evolve. The nephew you wanted to receive your record collection moves to Australia. An outdated letter can cause as much confusion as no letter at all.

Solution: Review your letter of wishes annually or after any significant life event—births, deaths, marriages, divorces, major purchases, or changed relationships.

Mistake 5: Not Telling Anyone It Exists

A letter of wishes can't be followed if no one knows about it. Margaret wrote a detailed letter but stored it in a locked drawer in her home office without telling anyone. Her executors found it six months after her death, long after her funeral and after most of her possessions had been distributed. Her careful planning was entirely wasted.

Solution: Tell your executors where to find your letter, and consider telling your closest family members that one exists even if you don't share the full contents.

Mistake 6: Attaching It to Your Will

Anything physically attached to your will may be considered part of it, which means it might require the same legal formalities (witnesses, formal language) that your will requires.

Solution: Store your letter of wishes with your will in the same location, but keep them as separate documents.

Mistake 7: Including Time-Sensitive Information

Your letter of wishes is typically read days or weeks after your death, often after your funeral has already taken place. Don't include organ donation wishes (register separately with NHS Organ Donor Register), emergency medical decisions (create an Advance Decision instead), or anything that requires immediate action.

Most mistakes are easily avoided with clear thinking, careful drafting, and regular updates as your circumstances change.

Where to Store Your Letter of Wishes

Your letter of wishes is only valuable if it can be found when needed. Here's where to keep it:

Best Storage Options

1. With Your Will (But Not Attached)

Store your letter of wishes in the same safe location as your will—whether that's a fireproof safe at home, with your solicitor, or with the probate registry. This ensures it's found when your will is read. Keep the documents separate, not physically attached, to avoid any suggestion that the letter is part of the will itself.

2. With Your Solicitor

If your solicitor is storing your will, they can store your letter of wishes alongside it. This provides professional security and ensures it's accessible when needed. Some solicitors may charge a small storage fee, so check their terms.

3. In a Fireproof Safe at Home

A fireproof safe protects both documents from damage while keeping them accessible to your family. Make sure your executors know the location and combination or have access to the key.

4. With the Probate Registry

The Probate Registry offers will storage for a one-time fee of around £20. You can store your letter of wishes alongside your will for secure government storage that's accessible when needed.

Who Needs to Know

Your executors absolutely must know that your letter of wishes exists and where to find it. They can't consider guidance they don't know about. Your trustees should also know, if you've created trusts. Consider telling your guardians if the letter contains guidance for raising your children. You might tell your adult children or spouse that a letter exists, even if you don't share all the contents.

What NOT to Do

Don't attach your letter to your will—it creates legal complications. Don't store it only digitally—it may not be found or may not be considered valid. Don't hide it in a location only you know about—it defeats the entire purpose. Don't forget to tell your executors—they can't follow guidance they never discover.

Remember Margaret's mistake: she wrote a detailed letter of wishes but stored it in a locked drawer without telling anyone. Her executors found it six months after her death, long after her funeral and after most possessions were distributed. Don't let your careful planning go to waste.

Creating a comprehensive estate plan requires both a legally binding will and a thoughtful letter of wishes to capture your personal preferences.

Start with your will (the legal foundation):

  • Appoint guardians for your children
  • Name executors to manage your estate
  • Distribute assets legally and clearly
  • Prevent intestacy rules from deciding for you

Then add your letter of wishes (the personal guidance):

  • Funeral preferences your family can follow
  • Distribution of sentimental items
  • Explanations for your decisions
  • Messages to loved ones

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For £99.99 (vs £650+ for a solicitor), you'll get:

  • Your complete, legally binding will
  • A 12-page Testator Guide
  • A Witness Guide for your witnesses
  • A Complete Asset Inventory document

You can preview your entire will free before paying anything. No credit card required. No subscriptions. No hidden fees.

Once your will is complete, you can write your letter of wishes yourself in plain English—no additional cost or legal expertise needed.

Don't leave your loved ones guessing about your wishes. Create your will today and protect your family's future.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is a letter of wishes in the UK?

A: A letter of wishes is a non-legally binding document that accompanies your will, providing guidance to your executors and trustees on how you'd like your estate managed after your death. It remains confidential (unlike your will, which becomes public) and can include funeral preferences, distribution of personal items, guardianship guidance, and messages to loved ones.

Q: Is a letter of wishes legally binding in the UK?

A: No, a letter of wishes is not legally binding in the UK. While executors and trustees are expected to consider it seriously, they are not legally obligated to follow its instructions. For legally binding provisions, you must include them in your will itself. However, most executors respect letters of wishes, particularly when they're thoughtfully written and align with the will.

Q: What should I include in a letter of wishes?

A: Include funeral preferences (burial vs cremation, service details, music), distribution of personal items not specified in your will, guidance for guardians raising your children, explanations for decisions in your will, and messages to loved ones. For discretionary trusts, include guidance on how trustees should exercise their discretion regarding distributions. Be specific about items and people to avoid confusion.

Q: Can I change my letter of wishes after writing it?

A: Yes, you can update your letter of wishes at any time without any formal process. Unlike a will, which requires witnesses and legal formalities to change, a letter of wishes can be rewritten as circumstances change. Simply write a new one dated with the current date and destroy the old version to avoid confusion.

Q: What's the difference between a letter of wishes and a will?

A: A will is a legally binding document that must follow strict formalities (signed, witnessed) and becomes public after your death. A letter of wishes is informal, non-binding, remains confidential, and can be easily updated. Use your will for legally binding instructions (who inherits, guardians, executors) and a letter of wishes for personal guidance and preferences.

Q: Should I tell my executors about my letter of wishes?

A: Yes, you should inform your executors and trustees that a letter of wishes exists and where to find it. While not legally binding, they need to know about it to consider your guidance when administering your estate. Store it with your will but not attached to it, and make sure the people who need to read it know where it is.

Q: Do I need a solicitor to write a letter of wishes?

A: No, you don't need a solicitor to write a letter of wishes. It's an informal document you can write yourself in plain English without legal jargon or formalities. However, if your situation involves complex trusts or tax planning, consulting a solicitor can help ensure your letter complements your will and trust structure effectively.

Legal Disclaimer:

This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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