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How to Talk to Your Parents About Making a Will (Without Awkwardness)

· 13 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Emma, 42, watched her father struggle with dementia for three years before he died. Her parents never made wills. When her mother confessed she'd "never gotten around to it either" at the funeral, Emma felt sick. She knew she needed to have that conversation—but every time she tried, the words stuck in her throat. "I didn't want Mum to think I was circling like a vulture," she told us later. "But I also couldn't bear the thought of losing her and facing the same chaos we just went through with Dad."

According to the Money and Pensions Service, over half of UK adults (56%) don't have a will—and research shows that only 24.5% of parents with children have actually discussed their estate plans with them. Even when families think they've talked, there's a huge perception gap: 69% of parents say they've discussed their will with children, but 52% of children say that conversation never happened.

The conversation you're avoiding might be the most important one you have with your parents. This guide shows you exactly how to start it—without the awkwardness, guilt, or family drama you're dreading.

Table of Contents

Why This Conversation Feels So Difficult (And Why That's Normal)

You're essentially asking "So, what happens when you die?" over Sunday lunch. No wonder your stomach knots every time you think about it.

This conversation hits two of Britain's biggest taboos simultaneously: death and money. Research shows that 49.9% of people cite "fear of death" as the reason they don't have a will. When you combine mortality anxiety with financial discomfort, you've created a perfect storm of awkwardness.

There's also the uncomfortable role reversal. You've spent your entire life as the child. Now you're suggesting your parents need to plan for their death—a conversation that makes you the authority and them vulnerable. That shift feels unnatural.

For many families, there's a generational element too. Older generations often grew up in homes where money wasn't discussed. Finances were private, inheritance was something that "just happened," and talking about death was considered morbid or inviting bad luck.

Then there's the fear of seeming greedy. You worry they'll think you're calculating your inheritance, counting down the days until you can spend their money. The guilt is paralysing.

Your parents may have their own fears driving avoidance. They might see estate planning as losing control or admitting they're old. They might worry that once they sign a will, they can't change their mind. They might fear family conflict if children find out who gets what.

All of this is completely normal. The discomfort you're feeling isn't a sign you shouldn't have the conversation—it's a sign the conversation matters.

The Real Risks of Not Having the Conversation

The awkwardness of one conversation pales against what happens when parents die without a will.

When someone dies intestate—without a will—the UK's intestacy rules determine who inherits according to fixed legal formulas. These rules often don't reflect what your parents actually wanted.

Unmarried partners receive nothing under intestacy law, no matter how long they've been together. Sarah's mother lived with her partner of 22 years. When she died without a will, her entire estate went to Sarah and her brother. Her mother's partner—who'd helped pay the mortgage for two decades—was left with nothing. The family gave him money out of guilt, but the damage to relationships was done.

Estranged relatives may inherit instead of people your parents actually cared about. David hadn't spoken to his sister in 15 years after a bitter falling out. When his father died without a will and David's mother had predeceased him, that estranged sister received half the estate. David's father had often said he wanted everything to go to David's children—his grandchildren—but without a will, his wishes meant nothing legally.

The process takes longer and costs more. Intestacy requires additional legal steps and court involvement that a valid will would have avoided. Probate can drag on for 18 months or more, leaving families in limbo.

Family conflict escalates dramatically. Applications to block probate increased by 56% between 2019 and 2024, with over 11,000 caveat applications filed in 2024 alone. Many of these disputes stem from uncertainty when there's no will to clarify intentions.

Your parents lose all control over guardianship if they have dependent children, over who administers their estate, over funeral wishes, and over specific bequests of sentimental items.

The emotional cost compounds during grief. Instead of mourning, families spend months in legal offices, arguing over possessions, second-guessing what their parents would have wanted. The stress adds thousands in legal fees to an already difficult time.

Before You Start: Mindset Shifts That Make the Conversation Easier

How you think about this conversation determines how it goes.

First, reframe from death to protection. This isn't about your parents dying—it's about protecting their wishes while they're alive. A will gives them control over what happens. Without one, the government decides.

Second, reframe from inheritance to love. You're not asking about money. You're ensuring their legacy reflects their values, that the people and causes they care about are protected, that their life's work goes where they intended.

Third, acknowledge your own discomfort openly. Saying "I find this hard to talk about too" immediately diffuses tension. It makes this a shared challenge rather than you putting them on the spot.

Fourth, focus on control rather than loss. Your parents aren't losing anything by making a will—they're gaining certainty and control. They can change it anytime. They maintain complete authority over their assets while alive. Position will-making as an act of power, not powerlessness.

Fifth, normalise estate planning. It's responsible adult behaviour, like having home insurance or a pension. Less than half of UK adults have wills—this isn't just your parents' issue. By creating one, they're being more organised than most.

Finally, remember that people don't like to feel cornered. Frame this as collaborative, not confrontational. You're not demanding they make a will. You're opening a conversation about whether they've thought about it.

These mindset shifts transform your energy from anxious and guilty to confident and caring. Your parents will feel the difference.

The Best Time to Have the Conversation (And the Worst)

Timing can make or break this conversation.

The best times are when natural triggers create an opening. After a friend or relative dies, your parents are already thinking about mortality and estate planning. During a family milestone—a wedding, a new grandchild, retirement—they're reflecting on legacy and what they're leaving behind. When they mention retirement plans or future care, estate planning fits naturally into the broader conversation about preparing for later life.

News hooks work beautifully. "I read this article about how unmarried partners inherit nothing without a will—did you know that?" or "I saw this statistic that over half of UK adults don't have wills. It made me wonder if you've done yours?" feels less personal and more informational.

Leading by example is powerful. "I just made my will—it was easier than I expected. Made me wonder if you've updated yours recently?" This normalises will-making and gives you credibility. You're not lecturing from a position of not having done it yourself.

Choose relaxed settings: a walk, coffee at home, quality time when you're both calm and unhurried. Avoid rushed meals before work or late evenings when everyone's tired.

Have the conversation when they're healthy. Don't wait for a crisis, illness, or terminal diagnosis. Those moments are emotionally charged and legally complicated if capacity becomes a concern.

The worst times are during crises or immediately after a diagnosis, when emotions are too raw and they're in shock. Avoid emotionally charged family gatherings like Christmas or funerals, where tensions run high and privacy is limited. Never bring it up when they're stressed, tired, or unwell—they'll be defensive and unreceptive.

Don't do this in front of other family members who haven't been consulted. It can feel like a confrontation or intervention. And never have this conversation when you need something from them financially—it looks transactional.

Some parents need a heads-up. A surprise conversation can feel like an ambush. Consider saying: "Mum, I'd like to talk to you about something important this weekend—estate planning. Is Saturday afternoon good for you?" This gives them time to prepare mentally and shows respect for their autonomy.

Conversation Starters That Actually Work

The opening line sets the tone for everything that follows. Here are specific ways to start, with context for when each works best.

Lead with your own experience:

"I've been thinking about my own will lately, and I wanted to ask your advice. Have you updated yours recently?"

This works especially well if you've recently created or updated your own will. It positions them as the expert and makes the conversation about their guidance rather than their failure to act.

"I just made my will through an online service—it was easier than I expected. Have you thought about yours?"

Perfect for demonstrating that will-making isn't the expensive, complicated ordeal they might assume. Your experience normalises the process.

Use external triggers:

"I saw this article about how many families face problems when someone dies without a will. It made me wonder—do you have one?"

This feels less personal. You're raising a general issue you learned about, not accusing them specifically.

"A friend's parent just died without a will and the family's going through a nightmare. I know it's not a fun topic, but I'd feel better knowing you're sorted."

Real stories (even anonymised ones) make abstract risks concrete. This shows you're motivated by love and concern, not inheritance.

Frame around their values:

"I know family is really important to you—have you thought about how you'd want things handled to make sure everyone's taken care of?"

This works beautifully with parents who've always prioritised family. You're appealing to their core values.

"You've worked so hard to build what you have. Have you made sure it goes where you want it to?"

Perfect for parents who take pride in their achievements. Positions the will as protecting their life's work.

Focus on practical logistics:

"Do you know where your important documents are? I'd hate to be searching for things in an emergency."

This is less about death and more about organisation. It's a practical question that naturally leads to discussing wills.

"Who's your executor? Do they know?"

A gentle way to confirm a will exists without directly asking if they have one.

Acknowledge the awkwardness:

"This is a weird conversation to have, I know, but I care too much not to ask: do you have a will?"

Honesty and directness can work well with parents who appreciate straightforwardness. Acknowledging the awkwardness makes it less awkward.

"I've been putting off asking this because it feels uncomfortable, but do you have your affairs in order?"

Shows vulnerability. You're admitting your own discomfort, which makes them less defensive about theirs.

How to Handle Common Objections and Pushback

Even the best conversation starter can meet resistance. Here's how to respond to the most common objections.

Objection What It Really Means How to Respond
"I don't want to think about dying" Death anxiety, avoidance coping mechanism "I understand. But having a will isn't about dying—it's about making sure your wishes are protected while you're alive. It actually gives you more control, not less."
"I don't have anything worth leaving" Underestimating estate value, minimising to avoid task "It's not just about money. Who would you want making medical decisions if you couldn't? Who gets your personal items with sentimental value? Who looks after [pet/dependent]? A will covers all of this."
"I'll get around to it eventually" Procrastination, feeling overwhelmed by the process "I know it feels like something you can do later, but it only takes 15 minutes online now. What if I helped you get it done this weekend? We could do it together."
"It's too expensive" Cost concern based on outdated information about solicitor fees "It used to be, but online wills are around £100 now—much less than the £650+ solicitors charge. That's less than you'd spend on a new phone or a weekend away."
"You just want to know what you're getting" Feeling defensive, accused, or suspicious of your motives "I promise this isn't about that. I don't need to know what's in your will—I just need to know you have one. This is about making sure your wishes are protected, not mine."
"We already talked about this" Dismissive, wants to end conversation, may be confused or in denial "When did you last update it? If it's been more than five years or since [birth, death, divorce, remarriage], it might need reviewing. Can I just confirm where it's stored?"
"Stop being morbid" Discomfort with mortality, cultural taboo against discussing death "I know it feels that way, but I'd rather have this conversation now while we can, than regret not having it later. I care about you too much to avoid it."

Notice the pattern: you're validating their concern, then gently reframing. You're not dismissing their objection—you're addressing what's really behind it.

What You Actually Need to Know (And What You Don't)

One of the biggest barriers to this conversation is thinking you need to know everything about their estate. You don't.

You DO need to know:

  • Whether they have a will at all (yes, no, or not sure)
  • When it was last updated, especially if more than five years ago or since a major life change
  • Who their executor is and whether that person knows about their role
  • Where the will is stored—the physical location or which digital service holds it
  • Whether they have Lasting Power of Attorney for health and financial decisions
  • Who their solicitor or will provider is, if applicable

You DON'T need to know:

  • Specific amounts or who inherits what
  • Details of their estate value or total assets
  • Why they've made certain decisions about beneficiaries
  • The actual contents of the will itself

You're not asking for access to their will. You're asking whether they have a plan.

This distinction is crucial. It reassures your parents that you're not trying to interfere or check up on your inheritance. You simply want to know they're protected and that someone knows where to find the will when needed.

Here's a practical checklist you can work through with your parents without asking intrusive questions:

  • Will exists and is legally valid
  • Updated in last five years or since major life event
  • Executor knows their role and location of will
  • Lasting Power of Attorney in place for health and financial decisions
  • Funeral wishes documented somewhere
  • Digital assets and passwords plan exists

You can confirm all of this without ever knowing a single detail about who gets what.

How to Follow Up Without Nagging

Your parents agreed the conversation was important, nodded thoughtfully, said they'd "look into it"—and then did nothing. Now what?

Wait two to three weeks, then follow up gently: "I've been thinking about our conversation about wills—would it help if I researched some options for you?"

Offer practical support that removes barriers. "Want me to book you a slot with a solicitor?" or "I can send you the online service I used—it takes 15 minutes and you can preview everything before paying."

If cost was the issue, consider gifting them a will service for a birthday or Christmas present. Frame it as "I'd really like to give you something that gives us both peace of mind."

Check in periodically after major life events: a grandchild's birth, a house sale, a divorce in the family, remarriage. "With [event], have you thought about updating your will?" feels natural, not pushy.

Respect their autonomy. If they firmly say no after multiple gentle attempts, you need to accept it. Say: "I hope you'll reconsider. I'm here if you change your mind." Then let it go. You can't force them.

If they complete it, celebrate the progress: "Thank you for doing this—it gives me real peace of mind knowing your wishes are protected." Positive reinforcement matters.

If they refuse outright:

Accept that you can't force them. You've done what you can. Document for yourself that you tried, including dates and what you said. This isn't for legal purposes—it's for your own peace of mind later.

Prepare yourself mentally for the consequences of intestacy. Understand who would inherit under intestacy rules so you're not blindsided if the worst happens.

Consider your own estate plan to break the cycle. Make sure you don't put your own children through what you're going through now.

When to Involve Siblings and Other Family Members

You shouldn't handle this alone if you have siblings.

Coordinate before approaching your parents. Talk to brothers and sisters first to align on the approach and present a united front. If your parents hear different messages from different children, they'll feel ambushed or manipulated.

Agree on who's best placed to start the conversation. This is often the eldest child or whoever has the closest relationship with your parents. It doesn't have to be you.

That said, avoid ambushing with a group intervention. One-on-one conversations are usually less confrontational and give your parents space to respond honestly without feeling ganged up on.

What if siblings disagree on the approach? Focus on the shared goal—parents having a valid will—rather than arguing over tactics. One sibling might want to be direct, another gentle. That's fine as long as everyone agrees it needs to happen.

Watch for warning signs of family conflict. If one sibling is trying to control or influence will contents, that's a red flag. The goal is protecting your parents' wishes, not manipulating them toward a particular outcome.

If your parents are remarried and there are blended family dynamics, extra sensitivity is required. Step-siblings may have very different expectations. You may need separate conversations with each parent about their individual wills.

When Emma realised her mother still hadn't made a will two years after her father's death, she called her brother first. They agreed Emma would talk to their mum first because she lived closer and saw her weekly. After their mum agreed to make a will, Emma and her brother helped together to gather the documents needed. The shared responsibility made it easier for everyone.

Practical Next Steps: How to Help Your Parents Make a Will

Once your parents agree, make it as easy as possible for them to follow through.

Option 1: Online Will Service

Best for straightforward estates: one property, savings, clear beneficiaries, no complex trusts or business assets.

Cost is around £99.99 for an individual will (compared to £650+ for a solicitor). The process takes about 15 minutes to complete. You can preview the entire will before paying anything, and there's immediate access once purchased.

How to help: Offer to sit with them while they complete it. Help gather information about their assets—property addresses, beneficiary names and addresses, executor details. Make sure they understand they'll need two independent witnesses who aren't beneficiaries.

Option 2: Solicitor

Best for complex estates: multiple properties, business assets, significant investments, trusts, overseas property, large estates potentially subject to inheritance tax, or situations where family conflict is anticipated.

Cost is typically £650 or more for a couple's mirror wills. The process involves multiple appointments over several weeks. Face-to-face reassurance can be valuable for parents who want professional guidance.

How to help: Research local solicitors who specialise in wills and estate planning. Check reviews and get recommendations. Book an initial consultation. Offer to attend the first appointment with them if they'd like company.

Option 3: Free Will Services

Available from charities during Free Wills Month (usually October) and through some other charitable campaigns. These are usually basic wills suitable for simple estates.

Best for straightforward situations, often restricted to those over 55. Note that services may encourage a charitable bequest, though there's no obligation.

How to help: Check eligibility requirements and register your parents during the campaign period. Be aware that appointments fill quickly.

What information they'll need:

Regardless of which option they choose, gather:

  • Full names and addresses of all beneficiaries
  • Full names and addresses of executors and backup executors
  • Details of assets: property addresses, bank accounts, investments, pensions
  • Guardian preferences if there are dependent children or adults
  • Funeral wishes (optional but helpful to include)
  • Digital asset access information: passwords, online accounts

Witness requirements:

Remind your parents they'll need two independent witnesses who are:

  • Over 18 years old
  • Not beneficiaries of the will
  • Not married to or in a civil partnership with a beneficiary
  • Present at the same time when your parents sign the will

Witnesses can be neighbours, friends, colleagues—anyone who meets these criteria. Many people ask a neighbour and a work colleague.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What's the best way to start a conversation with my parents about making a will?

A: Choose a relaxed moment when they're comfortable and receptive, then frame it positively around protecting their wishes rather than focusing on death. You might say: "I've been thinking about my own will and wanted to ask your advice—have you thought about yours recently?" This approach shows respect while opening dialogue naturally.

Q: How do I bring up wills without seeming like I'm interested in their money?

A: Focus the conversation on their wishes and values, not inheritance amounts. Ask questions like "What matters most to you about how things are handled?" or "Who would you want making decisions if you couldn't?" This demonstrates you care about honouring their intentions, not accessing their assets.

Q: What if my parents get defensive or upset when I mention wills?

A: Acknowledge their feelings and back off temporarily: "I understand this is uncomfortable—it is for me too. I just want to make sure I can support your wishes when the time comes." Give them time to process, then try again later. Multiple gentle conversations often work better than one difficult discussion.

Q: Should I tell my parents I've made my own will?

A: Yes—sharing that you've created your own will can be an excellent conversation starter. It normalises estate planning as a responsible adult task rather than something only elderly people need, and gives you credibility to discuss the topic with them.

Q: What happens if my parents die without a will in the UK?

A: If your parents die without a will (intestacy), UK law determines who inherits their estate according to fixed rules. Unmarried partners receive nothing, and assets may not go where your parents would have wanted. The process is often slower, more expensive, and can create family conflict over who gets what.

Q: How can I help my parents make a will if they agree it's needed?

A: Offer practical support like researching options together, helping gather information about their assets, or booking appointments with solicitors or online services. Make it easy by removing logistical barriers, but let them maintain control over the decisions and contents of their will.

Q: What if my parents already have a will—do we still need to talk about it?

A: Yes. Ask when they last reviewed it, especially if there have been major life changes (births, deaths, divorces, house moves, remarriage). Many wills become outdated. You don't need to know the contents, but confirming they have a current will and know where it's stored helps avoid problems later.

Conclusion

The conversation you're putting off might be the most loving thing you do for your parents—and yourself.

Key takeaways:

  • Over half of UK adults have no will, and many more have outdated wills that no longer reflect their wishes
  • Intestacy creates family conflict, delays, and outcomes your parents wouldn't want—unmarried partners inherit nothing
  • The conversation is uncomfortable because it involves death and money simultaneously—that's completely normal
  • Frame it around protecting their wishes and maintaining control, not about accessing inheritance or dwelling on death
  • Choose the right time, use natural conversation starters that lead by example or use external triggers, and acknowledge shared discomfort
  • You don't need to know what's in their will—just that they have one and where it's stored
  • Offer practical support to remove barriers once they agree, whether that's online services, solicitor appointments, or free will schemes

The greatest gift isn't what your parents leave you—it's knowing their wishes will be honoured exactly as they intended. You can't control when they die, but you can control whether they're protected when they do.

Have the conversation. It's uncomfortable for 20 minutes, but it brings peace of mind for a lifetime.

Need Help with Your Will?

Understanding how to help your parents protect their wishes highlights how important it is to have your own estate plan in place. Leading by example—creating your own will first—often makes the conversation with parents much easier and more credible.

Create your will with confidence using WUHLD's guided platform. For just £99.99, you'll get your complete will (legally binding when properly executed and witnessed) plus three expert guides. Preview your will free before paying anything—no credit card required.

Legal Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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