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Having 'The Talk': Estate Planning Conversations for Couples

· 13 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Emma and James had been together for seven years, owned a £340,000 house together in Manchester, and had a four-year-old daughter. They'd talked about making wills dozens of times—always agreeing it was important, always finding reasons to delay. Emma worried James would think she was being morbid. James feared the conversation would spiral into uncomfortable discussions about death.

When Emma's father died suddenly without a will, leaving her mother in a six-month legal battle, Emma finally said: "We need to talk about our wills this weekend."

Research from The National Will Register shows that 42% of UK adults have never discussed what should happen to their estate with anyone—including their partner. For the 3.5 million cohabiting couples in the UK, this silence is particularly dangerous: unmarried partners have no automatic inheritance rights under UK law. Yet only 28% of people feel very comfortable discussing death, and nearly half cite fear of death as the main barrier to creating a will.

This article provides practical frameworks to help couples overcome conversational paralysis and have productive estate planning discussions that protect what you've built together.

Table of Contents

Why Couples Avoid Estate Planning Conversations (And Why It Matters)

The silence around estate planning isn't unusual—it's the norm. Research shows 42% of UK adults have never discussed what should happen to their estate with anyone, including their partners. This discomfort runs deep: only 28% of people feel very comfortable discussing death and dying, making it one of the topics Britons find most difficult to address.

The barriers are both practical and psychological. Twenty-five percent of people say it's "too morbid" to discuss, while 16% lack concern about what happens after death. Nearly half cite fear of death itself as the reason they haven't made a will. For couples, this creates a perfect storm of avoidance—you're combining two already-difficult topics: money and mortality.

David and Claire, married 12 years with two children, kept putting off the conversation because "we're still young" (both 38). When Claire's colleague died unexpectedly at 39, leaving her family in chaos, it finally spurred them to act. "We'd been making excuses for years," Claire admits. "The reality check came too close to home."

The consequences of silence depend on your relationship status, and they're more serious than most couples realize. For unmarried couples, no will means your partner inherits nothing under intestacy rules—regardless of how long you've lived together or whether you have children. For married couples, intestacy rules may not reflect your actual wishes: the surviving spouse doesn't automatically get everything if there are children.

Interestingly, gender differences emerge in this data: 62% of men discuss their estate with loved ones compared to 55% of women, and 50% of men have wills versus 39% of women. These patterns suggest that in many relationships, both partners are waiting for the other to initiate the conversation.

The fear of appearing morbid or bringing up death prevents couples from protecting what they've built together. But here's the truth: couples who have this conversation often report feeling closer and more aligned afterward. The anticipation is worse than the reality.

The Unique Risks Facing Different Types of Couples

Your relationship status dramatically affects what happens if you die without a will. Understanding your specific vulnerabilities helps focus your estate planning conversation on what matters most.

Cohabiting Couples (Unmarried Partners)

The 3.5 million unmarried couples living together in the UK face the most significant legal risks. Cohabitation has increased by 17.7% from 2014 to 2024, yet many couples remain unaware of their legal position.

Forty-six percent of cohabiting couples incorrectly assume they have "common law marriage" rights—this legal status does not exist in England and Wales. If one partner dies without a will, the surviving partner inherits nothing under intestacy rules, regardless of how long you've lived together or whether you have children together.

Sophie and Marcus lived together for nine years and jointly owned a £280,000 flat. When Sophie died in a car accident without a will, Marcus inherited nothing. Sophie's parents inherited her 50% share of the property, and Marcus faced the possibility of a forced sale of the home they'd built together.

For unmarried couples, your conversation priority is straightforward: create mutual wills to protect each other. You should also discuss cohabitation agreements for shared property and how your home is owned—joint tenants or tenants in common makes a crucial difference to inheritance.

Married Couples and Civil Partners

Spouses and civil partners have automatic inheritance rights under intestacy, but these may not match your wishes. If you have children, your spouse doesn't automatically get your entire estate. Under current intestacy rules, they receive personal possessions, the first £322,000, and half the remainder. Children receive the other half.

After 15 years of marriage, Priya and David finally made mirror wills. They discovered they had very different ideas about guardianship for their children—better to discover this now than after one partner dies. "I assumed David would want my sister as guardian," Priya says. "Turns out he'd been thinking his brother would be better. We hadn't talked about it in years."

For married couples and civil partners, mirror wills ensure your full estate passes to the surviving partner first, then to your agreed beneficiaries. Your conversation should focus on confirming you're aligned on major decisions, not just assuming you are.

Second Marriages and Blended Families

The complexity multiplies when children from previous relationships enter the picture. You're balancing fairness to biological children while protecting your current spouse—competing interests that require explicit discussion.

Life interest trusts can help: they allow your surviving spouse to benefit from assets (such as living in your house) while ensuring those assets ultimately pass to your children from your first marriage. But this level of planning requires professional advice and honest conversations about expectations and fears.

For blended families, your estate planning conversation must address potential conflicts before they arise. Silence here creates the exact family disputes you're trying to avoid.

Same-Sex Couples

Same-sex couples follow the same legal framework as opposite-sex couples: married or in a civil partnership means you're protected; cohabiting means you have no automatic rights.

One additional consideration: chosen family versus biological family. If your biological family doesn't support your relationship, explicit will provisions become even more critical to ensure your partner inherits, not estranged parents. Clear documentation helps prevent family contests after your death.

Choosing the Right Time and Setting for 'The Talk'

When and where you have this conversation matters as much as what you discuss. Strategic timing reduces anxiety and increases the chance of a productive outcome.

Timing Strategies That Work

Choose a calm, stress-free moment when you're both relaxed—a quiet weekend afternoon, a day off work, or during a relaxing activity like a walk in the park or a takeout dinner at home. Avoid discussing estate planning after work when you're tired, during an existing conflict, or when either of you is stressed about money or health.

Give advance notice rather than ambushing your partner. "I'd like to talk about our wills this weekend—would Saturday afternoon work?" This allows your partner time to mentally prepare and reduces the feeling of being put on the spot.

Natural conversation triggers make the discussion feel less forced:

  • After a friend or family member dies
  • When buying a house together
  • After having children or when children reach certain ages
  • Financial planning milestones (receiving an inheritance, a promotion, retirement planning)
  • News stories about intestacy or will disputes
  • Annual "relationship check-in" (some couples make this a habit)

Rachel told her partner Tom, "I'd like us to talk about wills and inheritance on Saturday afternoon—maybe over that Indian takeaway we love? My aunt's estate is still being sorted six months after she died, and it's made me realize we should have this conversation." Tom appreciated the advance notice and positive framing. The conversation felt natural rather than forced.

Creating the Right Setting

Choose a neutral, comfortable location. Your home works well (though not the bedroom—keep estate planning separate from your intimate space). A favorite café or during a walk also creates a relaxed atmosphere. Avoid formal settings that increase anxiety, like a solicitor's office, for your first conversation.

Create a positive association by pairing the conversation with an enjoyable activity: your favorite takeout, a nice meal, or a weekend activity you both enjoy. This prevents the discussion from feeling purely heavy or burdensome.

How Long Should the Conversation Last?

Plan for 30-45 minutes for your first conversation—enough to cover the basics without overwhelming either of you. Don't try to resolve everything in one sitting. This is the start of an ongoing dialogue, not a single event that must be perfect.

Schedule a follow-up: "Let's think about this for a week and talk again next Saturday." This removes pressure to make all decisions immediately and gives you both time to process what you've discussed.

How to Start the Conversation: Opening Lines That Work

The hardest part is often the first sentence. These proven conversation starters reduce awkwardness and frame the discussion positively.

Lead With Your Own Thoughts

The most effective approach is sharing your own perspective rather than demanding action from your partner:

  • "I've been thinking about making a will and wanted to share my plans with you."
  • "I want to make sure we're both protected if anything happens to either of us. Can we talk about our wills?"
  • "I know this isn't the most fun topic, but I'd feel so much better knowing we have plans in place. Would you be up for discussing it?"

This approach is non-confrontational. You're inviting your partner into a conversation, not criticizing them for not having sorted this already.

Use External Triggers

External events provide natural entry points:

  • "Did you see that news story about the family left in chaos because their parents had no will? It made me realize we should talk about our own plans."
  • "After what happened with Emma's dad, I think we should discuss our wills."
  • "Our financial advisor mentioned estate planning. Should we talk about it?"

These starters shift focus away from your relationship and toward a broader issue, reducing defensiveness.

Frame It as a Practical Task

Some couples respond well to treating estate planning as an item on a to-do list:

  • "One of the things on my list this month is creating a will. Want to do it together?"
  • "I read that 42% of people haven't discussed their estate plans—we're part of that statistic. Let's change that."

Focus on Shared Goals and Protection

Emphasize the positive—protection and control—rather than death:

  • "I want to make sure everything we've built together is protected and goes where we both want it to."
  • "If something happened to me, I'd want you to be completely taken care of. Let's make sure we both have that security."
  • "This is about making sure our wishes are respected and our family is protected."

When Lisa wanted to discuss wills with her husband Ben, she said: "I was talking to Sarah, and she mentioned she and Mark made wills last month using an online service. It got me thinking—we should probably do the same. Would you be up for looking into it together?" Ben's response: "Yeah, we've been meaning to do that forever. Let's actually get it done."

What Not to Say

Avoid language that increases defensiveness or reinforces negative associations:

  • "You know, I'm gonna die someday and you need to be ready." (Too blunt, focuses on death)
  • "We NEED to do this NOW." (Creates pressure)
  • "Don't you care about what happens to me?" (Guilt-tripping)
  • "This is such a morbid topic, but..." (Reinforces negative framing)

Instead, use language that's forward-looking and action-oriented:

  • "This is one of those grown-up things we should probably sort out."
  • "I'd feel so much better knowing we have a plan in place."
  • "Let's protect what we've built together."

The 8 Essential Topics Every Couple Must Discuss

Once you've started the conversation, these eight topics form the core of your estate planning discussion. You don't need to resolve everything immediately, but you should address each area.

Topic 1: Primary Beneficiaries—Who Inherits What?

Start with the big question: Do you want everything to go to each other first, then to children or other beneficiaries after you've both died?

For unmarried couples, this is critical: you must explicitly name your partner as a beneficiary, or they'll inherit nothing. For married couples, decide whether the surviving spouse should inherit everything, or if assets should be split between spouse and children.

Don't forget specific items: family heirlooms, sentimental possessions, or property with special meaning. Sometimes these items matter more than their monetary value.

Topic 2: Guardianship for Children

If you have children, who would raise them if you both died? This is often the most emotional discussion, and couples frequently discover they've made different assumptions.

Emma and James discovered they had completely different ideas. Emma wanted her sister; James wanted his brother. Discussing it revealed concerns about each person's parenting style and financial situation. They ultimately chose Emma's sister with James's brother as backup guardian.

Key questions to address:

  • Who would raise your children if you both died?
  • Do you need backup guardians if the first choice can't or won't serve?
  • Have you actually discussed this with potential guardians?
  • Are there family members you specifically don't want as guardians?

Topic 3: Executor Appointments

Who will administer your estates? Many couples choose the same person to act as executor for both wills, but you can choose different people if that makes more sense.

Consider whether you want a professional executor (solicitor or bank) or a family member or friend. Professional executors charge fees but bring expertise. Family executors serve for free but take on significant responsibility.

Always name a backup executor in case your first choice can't serve when needed.

Topic 4: Property and Shared Assets

How is your property owned: joint tenants or tenants in common? This technical detail has major inheritance implications.

With joint tenants, your property automatically passes to the survivor outside your will. With tenants in common, each partner's share passes according to their will.

For unmarried couples, if you own as tenants in common, you must have wills specifying that your partner inherits your share. Otherwise, your half could pass to parents or siblings instead of your partner.

Discuss other shared assets too: joint bank accounts, jointly owned investments, and how decisions about these should be handled.

Topic 5: Financial Assets and Debts

How much does each partner actually know about the other's finances? This conversation often reveals gaps in knowledge.

Discuss:

  • Savings accounts, ISAs, and investment accounts
  • Life insurance beneficiaries (check these are up to date)
  • Pensions (these often have separate nomination forms not covered by your will)
  • Outstanding debts: mortgages, loans, credit cards (these are paid from your estate before distribution to beneficiaries)

Consider creating a shared document listing all accounts and assets so the surviving partner can locate everything.

Topic 6: Digital Assets

Digital assets are increasingly important and often overlooked in estate planning conversations.

Discuss what should happen to:

  • Online banking access and accounts
  • Social media accounts (memorial versus deletion preferences)
  • Cryptocurrency and NFTs
  • Digital photo libraries and personal files
  • Email accounts and cloud storage

Create a shared document with account details and access information. Store this securely—perhaps in a password manager both partners can access.

Topic 7: Funeral Wishes

Burial or cremation? Religious or cultural preferences? Specific requests for music, readings, or location?

Discuss realistic costs: the average funeral in the UK costs £3,000 to £5,000. Planning ahead helps prevent financial strain on those left behind.

Note that while you can include funeral wishes in your will, it's better to put them in a separate letter of wishes. Your will may not be read until after the funeral has already taken place.

Topic 8: Special Circumstances

Certain situations require additional discussion:

  • Children from previous relationships
  • Dependents with special needs (trusts may be appropriate)
  • Business ownership and succession planning
  • Property abroad (you may need a separate will under foreign law)
  • Specific charitable bequests you want to make

These circumstances often need professional advice beyond what a basic will provides.

Conversation Framework

Use this structure to guide your discussion:

Topic Question to Ask Each Other Why It Matters
Beneficiaries "If something happened to me tomorrow, who would you want to inherit our home?" Reveals assumptions and priorities
Guardianship "Who do we trust most to raise our children the way we would?" Often reveals disagreements better addressed now
Executors "Who do we know who's organized, trustworthy, and would handle this responsibility well?" Ensures competent estate administration
Property "Do we know how our house is legally owned?" Many couples don't know—affects inheritance
Digital Assets "What should happen to our social media accounts?" Often overlooked but increasingly important

Common Conversation Pitfalls (And How to Avoid Them)

Even well-intentioned conversations can derail. Recognizing common pitfalls helps you navigate around them.

Pitfall 1: Getting Stuck on One Contentious Issue

Mark and Jenny couldn't agree on guardians. Rather than letting this stall everything, they said, "Let's note this as something we disagree on and come back to it. What else should we cover today?"

They covered all other topics first, then revisited guardianship with more information. Their compromise: Mark's preference as first choice, Jenny's preference as backup.

Strategy: Cover all topics before getting bogged down in one disagreement. Sometimes the contentious issue becomes easier to resolve once you've tackled everything else.

Pitfall 2: Discovering Financial Secrets or Misaligned Values

Your partner reveals debt you didn't know about. Or you discover completely different inheritance priorities. These moments are uncomfortable but important.

Frame the discussion as information-gathering, not interrogation: "Let's both list everything we own and owe so we have a complete picture." Separate emotional reactions from practical planning. Acknowledge feelings but stay focused on solutions.

If serious financial secrets emerge, you may need couples counseling or a financial advisor to work through deeper issues.

Pitfall 3: Avoiding Difficult Family Dynamics

Sarah wanted to leave nothing to her estranged brother but feared family drama. Her partner reminded her: "Your brother won't know until after you're gone, and you won't be here for the drama. Do what feels right to you."

Your will is your private document. Family doesn't need to know the contents until you die. Don't let fear of family reactions stop you from making decisions that reflect your true wishes.

Pitfall 4: Decision Paralysis

Conversations end with vague agreement to "think about it," and nothing happens. Prevent this by ending with specific next steps and a timeline: "By next Sunday, let's each write down our top three guardian choices with pros and cons for each."

Set a calendar reminder for your follow-up conversation. Create accountability for actually making decisions.

Pitfall 5: One Partner Dominates

The more assertive partner makes all decisions while the quieter partner feels unheard. Take turns speaking. Explicitly ask: "What do you think? I've been talking a lot."

Each partner can write down priorities separately first, then share. This ensures both voices are equally heard.

If one partner consistently dismisses the other's wishes, this may indicate broader relationship issues beyond estate planning.

Pitfall 6: Getting Overwhelmed by Complexity

The conversation becomes too technical—trusts, tax planning, complex estates—and you both shut down. For your first conversation, focus on basics: who inherits, guardians, executors. Save complex planning for professionals.

"Let's get basic wills in place first, then consult an advisor about tax planning if we need to."

Pitfall 7: Treating It as One-and-Done

You have the conversation, make wills, and never discuss this again. Agree upfront: "This is the first of many conversations—we'll review every few years."

Set an annual calendar reminder for your estate plan review. Life changes, and your wills should change with it.

Mirror Wills vs. Separate Approaches: Making Decisions Together

Once you've discussed what you want, you need to decide how to structure your wills. Understanding your options helps you choose the right approach for your relationship.

What Are Mirror Wills?

Mirror wills are two separate wills that "mirror" each other's wishes. They're the most common approach for married couples and civil partners in the UK.

The typical structure: Everything goes to your partner first. After you've both died, your estates pass to the same beneficiaries, usually your children.

Michael and Laura, married 10 years with two children, created mirror wills. Each will leaves everything to the other spouse. After they've both died, assets split equally between their two children.

When Mirror Wills Work Well

Mirror wills suit:

  • Straightforward estates (property, savings, standard possessions)
  • Couples with aligned priorities and no complex family dynamics
  • First marriages with shared children
  • Partners who trust each other completely

If your situation is straightforward, mirror wills provide simplicity and clarity.

The Important Limitation

Each will is separate and independent. Either partner can change their will at any time, even after the first partner dies. There's no legal obligation to stick to your original agreement.

The risk: After David dies, his widow Sarah could change her will to exclude David's children from his previous marriage, despite their original agreement to provide for them.

Life interest trusts can prevent this by allowing the surviving partner to benefit from assets while ensuring they ultimately pass to your chosen beneficiaries. These require professional legal advice to set up properly.

When Separate Approaches Make More Sense

Consider different structures for:

  • Blended families with children from previous relationships
  • Significant assets you want to protect for specific beneficiaries
  • Different inheritance priorities between partners
  • One partner with debts or financial complications
  • Second marriages where you want to protect children's inheritance

Making the Decision

Ask yourselves: "Do we have the same priorities for where everything goes, or do we have different wishes for some things?"

Green flag: Aligned priorities, no complex family dynamics. Mirror wills likely work well.

Yellow flag: Blended family, previous marriages, significant assets. Consider more complex structures.

Red flag: Partner reluctant to discuss specific beneficiaries or evasive about their wishes. Separate wills and possibly separate professional advice.

Your Situation Recommended Approach Why
Married/civil partners, first marriage, shared children, straightforward estate Mirror wills Simple, aligned wishes, mutual trust
Unmarried couple, no children, straightforward assets Two separate wills with matching beneficiary provisions No automatic inheritance rights—must have wills
Blended family, children from previous relationships Separate wills with possible life interest trusts Protects children's inheritance while providing for current partner
Significant wealth, complex assets, business ownership Separate wills plus professional estate planning Requires specialized tax and legal advice
Same-sex couple (married/civil partnership) Mirror wills Legal framework identical to opposite-sex couples
Same-sex cohabiting couple Separate wills with matching provisions No automatic rights—wills essential

What to Do After the Conversation: Turning Talk Into Action

A productive conversation is only the first step. Here's how to convert your discussion into actual wills.

Immediate Actions (Within 24 Hours)

Document your discussion. Write down key decisions—beneficiaries, guardians, executors—while they're fresh in your mind. Share your notes with your partner to ensure you both captured the same decisions.

Identify any unresolved questions. What do you still need to decide or research? Set a specific deadline for creating your wills: "We'll complete our wills by March 1st."

Next Steps (Within One Week)

Step 1: Confirm Willingness

Contact your proposed executors: "We're making our wills and would like to name you as executor. This means you'd handle our estate if we die. Are you willing?"

Contact proposed guardians: "We're making our wills and would like to name you as guardian for our children if something happens to us both. This is a big responsibility—can we discuss?"

Have backup conversations. You need backup executors and guardians in case your first choice can't serve.

Step 2: Gather Information

Collect full legal names and addresses of all beneficiaries, executors, and guardians. Create a complete asset list:

  • Property addresses and ownership structure
  • Bank accounts and savings accounts
  • Investment accounts, ISAs, pensions
  • Life insurance policies
  • Significant possessions (vehicles, jewelry, valuables)

List current debts: mortgages, loans, credit cards.

Step 3: Check Property Ownership

Obtain your property deeds or contact the Land Registry. Confirm whether you own as joint tenants or tenants in common.

For unmarried couples: If you're joint tenants, consider severing the tenancy to become tenants in common. This allows each partner to leave their share by will.

Step 4: Review Existing Documents

Locate old wills (these will be revoked by new wills). Check life insurance beneficiary nominations and update if needed. Review pension death benefit nominations—these are separate from your will. Consider creating Lasting Power of Attorney documents if you don't have them.

Choosing How to Create Your Wills

For straightforward estates with standard provisions, online will services like WUHLD offer a cost-effective solution at £99.99 versus £650+ for a solicitor. The process takes about 15 minutes online and provides immediate access to your completed will.

For complex estates over £500,000, business ownership, foreign property, complicated family dynamics, or inheritance tax planning needs, consult a solicitor. You'll pay more (typically £650+) and wait longer (2-4 weeks), but you'll receive personalized legal advice for complex structures.

After Creating Your Wills

Sign your wills properly. UK law requires your signature plus two independent witnesses who are not beneficiaries or married to beneficiaries. Under Section 15 of the Wills Act 1837, if a beneficiary witnesses your will, their gift becomes void.

Store your wills safely: fireproof safe at home, with a solicitor, or registered with the National Will Register. Tell your executor where to find your will—they need to locate it to act on your behalf.

After their conversation, Emma and James created a shared document with their decisions. Within three days, they'd contacted Emma's sister about guardianship (she agreed) and confirmed their friend would serve as executor. The following weekend, they spent 30 minutes together on WUHLD's platform, created their mirror wills, printed them, and signed with their neighbors as witnesses. Total time from conversation to completed wills: 10 days.

How to Make Estate Planning Reviews a Relationship Habit

Estate planning isn't a one-time event. Making reviews a regular habit ensures your wills stay aligned with your current circumstances and wishes.

Why Regular Reviews Matter

Life changes. Children grow up, assets increase or decrease, relationships evolve, health changes. Wills become outdated if never reviewed. Executors die, beneficiaries' circumstances change, property gets sold or bought.

Regular reviews keep your estate plans aligned with your current life, not your life five years ago.

Review Frequency

Review your estate plans together every 3-5 years at minimum, even if nothing major has changed. Set a calendar reminder for "Estate Plan Review" every three years.

Review immediately after major life events:

  • Marriage or civil partnership (automatically revokes previous wills in England and Wales)
  • Divorce or separation
  • Birth or adoption of children
  • Death of a beneficiary, executor, or guardian named in your will
  • Significant change in assets (inheritance received, property purchased or sold, business started)
  • Moving abroad (may need a will under foreign jurisdiction)
  • Significant change in health or disability
  • Relationship changes affecting your wishes

Creating an Annual Review Habit

Choose an annual date: wedding anniversary, New Year's Day, a birthday. Set a calendar reminder: "Annual estate plan check-in."

Spend 30 minutes reviewing together:

  • Are beneficiaries still who we want?
  • Are guardians and executors still appropriate?
  • Have our assets changed significantly?
  • Are our wishes still the same?

If anything changed, update your wills within one month.

Some couples integrate estate plan reviews with financial planning. Review your wills whenever you review finances, such as at tax year end in April. Include it as a standing agenda item in your annual financial health check.

The 15-Minute Annual Review Process

Review Beneficiaries (5 minutes): Still want the same people to inherit? Any beneficiaries died? Relationships changed? Children grown—do previous provisions still make sense?

Review Fiduciaries (5 minutes): Are executors still willing and able? Guardians still appropriate if children are still minors? Attorneys under Lasting Power of Attorney still appropriate?

Review Assets and Circumstances (5 minutes): Bought or sold property? Significant change in wealth? New business ownership or investments? Moved to a different country?

Decide on Action: No changes needed—review again next year. Minor changes needed—update wills this month. Major changes needed—create new wills with professional advice.

Rachel and Tom review their wills every New Year's Day over brunch. Last year they updated executors after their original executor moved to Australia. This year, no changes needed. The review took 10 minutes. "It's just something we do, like reviewing our budget," Rachel says.

Making It Feel Natural

Frame reviews as "protecting what we're building together," not "planning for death." Pair the review with a positive activity: nice meal, weekend walk, anniversary celebration.

Celebrate completion: "We're responsible adults who have our plans sorted."

When Professional Review Is Needed

Some situations require more than a simple review. Consult professionals when:

  • Estate value approaches the inheritance tax threshold (£325,000 individual, £650,000 couple)
  • You're considering trusts or complex tax planning
  • Blended family dynamics are changing
  • Business ownership or succession planning becomes relevant
  • You acquire foreign property or international assets
  • Contentious family relationships require careful legal drafting

Conclusion

Key takeaways:

  • Start the conversation during a calm, comfortable moment using positive framing: "I want to make sure we're both protected"
  • Cover the 8 essential topics: beneficiaries, guardianship, executors, property, finances, digital assets, funeral wishes, and special circumstances
  • Avoid common pitfalls by addressing one topic at a time, documenting decisions, and setting specific deadlines
  • Choose mirror wills for straightforward situations; consider separate wills or trusts for blended families or complex estates
  • Make estate plan reviews an annual habit—set calendar reminders and review after major life events

The conversation about estate planning isn't about death—it's about protecting what you've built together and ensuring your wishes are respected. Couples who have this conversation often report feeling closer and more aligned afterward, having navigated a difficult topic together successfully. The hardest part is starting; once you begin, the conversation flows more naturally than most people expect.

Need Help with Your Will?

Once you've worked through these conversations with your partner, the next step is creating legally valid wills that reflect your shared decisions. Having clear documentation ensures your wishes are protected and legally enforceable.

Create your will with confidence using WUHLD's guided platform. For just £99.99, you'll get your complete will (legally binding when properly executed and witnessed) plus three expert guides. Preview your will free before paying anything—no credit card required.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why is it so hard to talk to my partner about estate planning?

A: Research shows 72% of UK adults find discussing death uncomfortable, and 42% have never spoken about what should happen to their estate. This discomfort stems from fear of mortality, concerns about appearing morbid, and the emotional weight of planning for death. Additionally, money conversations are already challenging for many couples, and estate planning combines both financial and mortality discussions.

Q: When is the best time to have an estate planning conversation with my partner?

A: The best time is during a calm, stress-free moment when you're both relaxed—like a quiet weekend afternoon or during an enjoyable activity together. Life milestones also provide natural conversation starters: buying a home together, having children, getting married or entering a civil partnership, receiving an inheritance, or experiencing the death of a parent or friend.

Q: What should unmarried couples discuss about estate planning?

A: Unmarried couples must discuss wills urgently, as UK law provides no automatic inheritance rights regardless of how long you've lived together. Key topics include: who inherits your property and savings, guardianship for any children, cohabitation agreements to protect shared assets, and how joint property ownership is structured (joint tenants vs tenants in common). Without wills, your partner inherits nothing under intestacy rules.

Q: How do I start an estate planning conversation without making it awkward?

A: Start by sharing your own thoughts rather than demanding action: "I've been thinking about making a will and wanted to share my plans with you." Use external triggers like news stories, friends' experiences, or financial planning milestones. Frame the conversation positively around protecting what you've built together and ensuring your wishes are respected. Choose a neutral, comfortable setting and ease into the topic rather than launching immediately into details.

Q: What topics should couples cover in their estate planning conversation?

A: Essential topics include: who inherits your property, savings, and possessions; how you want assets divided (equally vs. specific items to specific people); guardianship arrangements if you have children; funeral wishes and preferences; executor appointments; existing debts and how they'll be handled; digital assets and online accounts; life insurance beneficiaries; and any special circumstances like children from previous relationships or dependents with special needs.

Q: Should we create separate wills or joint wills as a couple?

A: UK law doesn't recognise truly "joint" wills. Most couples create mirror wills—two separate, identical wills that reflect each other's wishes. This is the standard approach for married couples and civil partners. Each person has their own legal document and can change their will independently (though this may cause issues after one partner dies). For unmarried couples, separate wills are essential as you have no automatic inheritance rights.

Q: How often should couples review their estate plans together?

A: Review your estate plans together every 3-5 years at minimum, and immediately after major life events: marriage or civil partnership, divorce or separation, birth or adoption of children, death of a beneficiary or executor, significant changes in assets (buying property, inheritance received), moving abroad, changes in health or disability status, or relationship changes that affect your wishes. Make reviewing your wills an annual habit, even if no changes are needed.

Legal Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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