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What to Do When Your Parents Refuse to Make a Will

· 14 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Emma, 42, has tried three times to discuss will-making with her father David. He's 68, owns a £380,000 house with his unmarried partner of 12 years, Janet, and has £85,000 in savings. Each time Emma raises the topic, David dismisses her. "I'm too young to worry about that," he says.

Emma knows what David doesn't: if he dies without a will, his entire estate goes to Emma and her brother Tom under intestacy rules. Janet, who's lived with David for 12 years and helped pay the mortgage, would inherit nothing. She could be forced to sell the only home she knows.

56% of UK adults aged 18 and over don't have a will, and nearly 50% cite fear of death as the primary reason. This article shows you practical strategies for approaching resistant parents, explains intestacy rules, and helps you protect your family even if your parents won't engage.

Table of Contents

Why Parents Refuse to Make Wills: The Real Reasons

56% of UK adults aged 18 and over don't have a will, including 53% of adults aged 50-64. Understanding why parents resist helps you address their specific concerns rather than pushing against an emotional wall.

The biggest barrier is fear. Research shows that 49.9% of people cite fear of death as their primary reason for not making a will. This isn't laziness or denial—awareness of mortality creates anxiety that people manage through avoidance. Surprisingly, middle-aged adults often have higher death anxiety than elderly people who've accepted mortality as part of aging.

Procrastination compounds fear. Many parents genuinely intend to make a will but never get around to it. Decision paralysis sets in when they think about choosing guardians, executors, and deciding asset distribution. The task sits permanently on their mental to-do list, creating guilt but no action.

Mistaken assumptions create false confidence. Parents often believe "everything will go to my spouse anyway, so what's the point?" They don't understand that if there are children from a previous marriage, intestacy rules give the spouse £322,000 plus half the remaining estate, while children inherit the other half—potentially forcing a house sale the surviving spouse isn't prepared for.

Some parents fear exposing family tensions. Discussing will distribution means confronting uncomfortable truths about favouritism, estranged relationships, or stepchildren. They worry the conversation itself will create the conflict they're trying to avoid.

Others fear discussing end-of-life planning signals they're "giving up" independence. Parents with early dementia concerns particularly resist, viewing will-making as admission of declining capacity rather than protection of their wishes while they still have capacity.

Finally, many parents assume will-making costs thousands and requires multiple solicitor appointments. They don't know about affordable online options that take 15 minutes to complete. This outdated perception keeps them from taking the first step.

What Happens If Your Parents Die Without a Will (UK Intestacy Rules)

Intestacy rules are set out in the Administration of Estates Act 1925, as amended by the Inheritance and Trustees' Powers Act 2014. These rules determine exactly who inherits and in what proportion when someone dies without a will in England and Wales.

The surviving spouse or civil partner must survive the deceased by at least 28 days under the Law Reform (Succession) Act 1995. This prevents double intestacy in quick succession, such as when both spouses die in a car accident.

Married parent with children: The surviving spouse receives personal chattels (furniture, car, jewelry), a statutory legacy of £322,000 as set by the Administration of Estates Act 1925 (Fixed Net Sum) Order 2023, plus half the remaining estate. Children share the other half equally.

The spouse receives the majority, but if the deceased wanted to leave specific items to children—a grandfather's watch, family photos, shares in a business—those intentions vanish. Intestacy offers no flexibility for personal bequests.

Unmarried parent with long-term partner: An unmarried partner inherits nothing, regardless of relationship length. A partner of 10, 20, even 40 years receives not a single pound. The entire estate goes to children.

The partner has no legal right to stay in the home they shared for decades. Children could force an immediate sale. The partner's only option is making a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 as a dependant—an expensive, uncertain process taking 12-18 months with no guarantee of success.

Remarried parent with blended family: The surviving spouse receives £322,000 plus half the remainder. The deceased's biological children share the other half. Stepchildren who weren't legally adopted receive nothing.

Here's where intestacy creates lasting family conflict: the surviving spouse can then make a new will leaving everything to their own children, completely cutting out the deceased's biological children. The deceased's children receive their intestacy share at the first death but nothing at the second death. The family home could go to stepchildren instead of biological children.

Single parent (divorced or widowed): The estate splits equally between children regardless of circumstances. A disabled child requiring more support receives the same share as siblings. A child who provided years of care receives no more than one who rarely visited. Intestacy ignores these factors entirely.

Intestacy rules are rigid. No flexibility for circumstances, relationships, or wishes. Unmarried partners inherit nothing. Stepchildren inherit nothing unless legally adopted. No provision exists for charities, friends, or non-family carers. Personal chattels go by law, not sentimental value.

Applications to block probate increased 56% between 2019 and 2024, often because families contest intestacy distributions that feel profoundly unfair.

No. Will-making requires voluntary consent and testamentary capacity. Any will made under pressure, coercion, or undue influence is invalid.

According to HMRC guidance, a person must be of "sound disposing mind" when making their will. Any evidence that someone was pressured invalidates the entire will.

Undue influence means pressure that overpowers the testator's judgment. If you repeatedly pressure your elderly mother to change her will, manipulate her emotions, or use threats, and she eventually complies, beneficiaries can challenge the will successfully. Courts take undue influence seriously.

As an adult child, you have no legal rights regarding your parents' will. None. There's no legal obligation for parents to leave anything to children in the UK. Unlike forced heirship rules in France or Spain, UK law allows parents to leave their entire estate to a cat sanctuary if they choose.

You might have a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 if you were financially dependent on the deceased or if the will or intestacy makes inadequate provision. But the bar is high. Adult children must prove significant financial dependency, not just expectation of inheritance.

What you can do: provide information, offer to help with logistics such as booking a solicitor or finding documents, share stories of intestacy consequences, and explain modern options like affordable online wills.

What you cannot do: threaten, guilt-trip with statements like "If you loved us, you'd make a will," withhold care or visits as leverage, draft a will and pressure them to sign it, or forge their signature—which is a criminal offence.

If your parents refuse to make a will after you've provided information and offered support, you must accept their decision. Focus on what you can control: your own estate planning, understanding intestacy rules, and preparing for potential complications.

How to Start the Conversation: Practical Scripts and Strategies

Even with perfect timing and phrasing, some parents won't engage. But using respectful, strategic approaches improves your chances significantly.

Choose the right timing. Good timing includes after attending a funeral, reading about estate disputes, during financial reviews, at milestone birthdays, or following a health scare. Avoid family conflicts, major stress periods, holidays, or public spaces.

Give advance notice: "Dad, I'd like to talk about estate planning this weekend. Would Saturday morning work?" This avoids the ambush feeling.

Frame it around care, not death. Language shifts matter. Instead of "when you die," say "if something unexpected happens." Instead of "your funeral," say "your wishes for the future." Instead of "who gets your money," say "how to protect the family." Instead of "making a will," say "getting your affairs organised."

Focus on control and legacy, not mortality. "A will means your wishes are followed, not the government's rules."

Lead with statistics or stories. "Mum, I was reading that 56% of UK adults don't have a will. I realised we've never talked about whether you have one. I don't want Janet to face problems if something happens."

Or: "I heard about someone whose partner of 15 years inherited nothing because they died without a will. The family ended up in court for 18 months."

This normalises the topic and focuses on practical problem-solving using third-party examples.

Involve siblings strategically. "Tom and I both think it would be helpful to understand your wishes so we can honour them when the time comes." This prevents parents from feeling one child is angling for inheritance. Warning: only involve constructive siblings.

Use "I" statements. "I feel anxious when I think about what might happen if you don't have a will, because intestacy rules don't always work the way people expect. I want to make sure Janet is protected." This focuses on your emotions rather than what they should do.

Address specific barriers directly. If they say "I'm too young": "You're right that you're healthy now, which is exactly why it's the perfect time to do it while you're clear-headed. If you wait until you're seriously ill, you might not have testamentary capacity anymore."

If they say "It's too expensive": "Solicitor wills can cost £650 or more, but online services like WUHLD are £99.99 and legally valid. You can preview your entire will free before paying anything."

If they say "I don't know where to start": "I can help you find your documents—deeds, bank details, pension info. Or we could sit down together and make a list of what you own and who you want to benefit."

If they say "Everything will go to the right people anyway": "Actually, intestacy rules are really rigid. For example, if you're unmarried, Janet would inherit nothing. I don't think that's what you want."

Make it about legacy and love. "Making a will isn't planning to die—it's making sure the people you love are taken care of. It's one of the most loving things you can do for us." This reframes will-making from death planning to family protection.

What not to do: ambush them, focus on specific inheritance amounts, use guilt trips, threaten consequences, or compare them to other parents. If they shut down the conversation, respect their boundaries and try again in six months.

What to Do If Your Parents Still Won't Engage

If your parents refuse to engage after respectful conversations, accept their decision. Shift your focus to what you can control.

Educate yourself about intestacy. Learn the statutory legacy amount of £322,000, who would inherit, and potential inheritance tax implications. When the time comes, you'll know what to expect.

Locate important documents with permission. "Mum, if something happened suddenly, I'd have no idea where your important documents are. Could we make a list?" Find property deeds, bank details, pension information, insurance policies, and certificates.

Understand who would be executor. Under intestacy, someone must apply for Letters of Administration—usually the surviving spouse or eldest child. Research the probate process now: timelines (typically 6-12 months), costs, and responsibilities.

Consider an Inheritance Act claim. If you were financially dependent on your parents or have special circumstances, you might claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. You must claim within six months of Grant of Probate. Consult a solicitor now about claim strength and evidence needed.

Protect your parent's unmarried partner. If applicable, discuss with siblings executing a Deed of Variation within two years to redirect inheritance to the partner. All beneficiaries must agree unanimously.

Build a professional support team. Identify a solicitor specializing in probate, an accountant familiar with inheritance tax, and a financial advisor for complex assets. Having professionals identified before you need them reduces stress.

Make your own will. Break the cycle. Once you've made a will, you can say: "I just made my will with WUHLD—took 15 minutes and cost £99.99."

Applications to block probate increased 56% between 2019 and 2024, often due to intestacy disputes. Prepare for potential complications—it's being realistic and responsible.

Special Circumstances: When Intestacy Creates Serious Problems

Unmarried long-term partners: A partner of any length inherits nothing. Their only option is claiming under the Inheritance Act 1975 as a dependant—expensive and uncertain. Tell parents: "If you want your partner to inherit anything, a will is the only way. Intestacy law doesn't recognise unmarried partners."

Blended families and second marriages: The surviving spouse inherits £322,000 plus half the remainder, then can make a new will leaving everything to their children, cutting out the deceased's biological children. The family home could go to stepchildren instead of biological children. Tell parents: "To protect your biological children's inheritance after you both die, you need mutual wills or a life interest trust."

Disabled or vulnerable beneficiaries: Intestacy distributes equally regardless of need. A disabled child's inheritance could disqualify them from means-tested benefits like ESA, PIP, and housing support. A discretionary trust preserves benefits while providing support. Intestacy can't create trusts—only a will can.

Business owners: Intestacy forces business interests into rigid distribution, potentially causing business disruption or forced sales. Business succession requires specific will provisions and cross-option agreements with partners.

International families: Intestacy only covers assets in England and Wales. Different rules apply abroad, often conflicting. Overseas assets need jurisdiction-specific wills.

Estranged relatives: Intestacy doesn't care about relationship quality. Estranged children or family members with no contact for decades inherit equally. Only a will can exclude specific people.

If these circumstances apply, use specific consequences: "Mum, if you die without a will, Janet will inherit nothing after 18 years together. Is that what you want?"

Understanding Inheritance Tax and Intestacy

Some parents mistakenly believe dying without a will avoids inheritance tax. This is false.

Inheritance tax applies based on estate value, not whether there's a will. The current IHT threshold is £325,000 (nil-rate band). Anything above is taxed at 40% unless spouse exemption or other reliefs apply.

If the estate passes to a surviving spouse or civil partner, no IHT is due—an unlimited exemption that applies under intestacy. The residence nil-rate band adds £175,000 if the family home passes to children or grandchildren, creating £500,000 per person or £1 million per couple.

The problem: intestacy may distribute the estate inefficiently for tax purposes. With proper will planning like life interest trusts, couples can use both spouses' nil-rate bands efficiently.

Wills allow tax planning strategies: discretionary trusts to utilize both spouses' allowances, charitable legacies that reduce the taxable estate and get a 36% reduced IHT rate if 10% or more goes to charity, and Business Property Relief offering 100% relief on qualifying assets.

Intestacy offers no tax planning. Tell parents: "If your estate exceeds £325,000, a will could save your family tens of thousands in inheritance tax."

How to Protect Yourself and Your Own Family

If you're frustrated that your parents won't take action, ask yourself: do you have a will? If not, you're putting your own children in this exact situation.

56% of UK adults don't have a will, but you can be in the 44% who do. Making your own will protects your family from the problems you're researching now.

Benefits include: your children won't guess your wishes, your unmarried partner won't be excluded, your assets go exactly where you want, you can appoint guardians for minor children, set up trusts for disabled beneficiaries, make charitable legacies, and protect your business.

Once you've made your own will, you have authority to encourage your parents: "Mum, I just made my will with WUHLD. It was so easy. Would you like me to send you the link?"

What you can control: making your own will, educating yourself about intestacy, having respectful conversations, locating documents with permission, building sibling relationships, consulting solicitors about Inheritance Act claims, and planning Deed of Variation protection for your parent's partner.

What you cannot control: whether your parents make a will, what they include, their attitudes toward death, how intestacy rules apply, or other family members' behavior during probate.

The best way to reduce anxiety about your parents' lack of a will is ensuring your children never face this situation. Make your will today.

Need Help with Your Will?

Understanding what happens when parents refuse to make a will often motivates adult children to create their own. If you've realized that your children shouldn't face this same frustration, now is the time to make your will and break the cycle of procrastination.

Create your will with confidence using WUHLD's guided platform. For just £99.99, you'll get your complete will (legally binding when properly executed and witnessed) plus three expert guides. Preview your will free before paying anything—no credit card required.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What happens if my parents die without a will in the UK?

A: If your parents die without a will, their estate is distributed according to intestacy rules under the Administration of Estates Act 1925. If married with children, the surviving spouse receives personal chattels, a statutory legacy of £322,000 as of 2023, and half the remaining estate absolutely. Children share the other half equally. If unmarried partners are involved, they inherit nothing under intestacy rules—only spouses, civil partners, and blood relatives can inherit.

Q: Can I force my parents to make a will?

A: No, you cannot legally force your parents to make a will. In the UK, will-making is entirely voluntary and requires testamentary capacity. Any attempt to pressure or coerce someone into making a will could render it invalid due to undue influence. Your only options are to have respectful conversations, provide information about intestacy consequences, and accept their decision if they refuse to engage.

Q: Why do parents refuse to make wills?

A: Research shows that nearly 50% of people cite fear of death as the primary reason for not making a will. Other common barriers include believing they're too young or healthy, assuming their estate will automatically go to the right people, feeling overwhelmed by the process, not wanting to think about death, family conflict avoidance, and mistaken beliefs about asset distribution.

Q: What are intestacy rules in England and Wales?

A: Intestacy rules determine who inherits when someone dies without a will. Under the Administration of Estates Act 1925, priority goes to surviving spouse or civil partner who must survive 28 days, then children, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and finally the Crown if no relatives exist. Unmarried partners, stepchildren unless adopted, friends, and charities receive nothing. The distribution is fixed by law and cannot reflect the deceased's actual wishes.

Q: How do I start a conversation with my parents about making a will?

A: Start by giving advance notice—don't ambush them. Frame the conversation around care and organisation, not death. Use neutral language like estate planning or making things easier. Share relevant statistics or a personal story to normalise the topic. Focus on benefits: protecting the family from stress, ensuring wishes are honoured, avoiding intestacy complications. Choose the right timing—after they've attended a funeral or heard about estate disputes. Bring siblings into the conversation to avoid seeming self-interested.

Q: What can I do if my parents still won't make a will after talking to them?

A: If your parents refuse to engage, accept their decision—it's their legal right. Focus on what you can control: educate yourself about intestacy rules so you know what to expect, locate important documents like deeds, bank details, and pension info, understand who would be entitled to inherit under intestacy, consider whether you might need to make an Inheritance Act claim, and build a support team including a solicitor and accountant for when the time comes. Remember: applications to block probate increased 56% between 2019 and 2024, often due to intestacy disputes.

Q: Will I inherit from my parents if they don't have a will?

A: It depends on your parents' circumstances. If your parent was married or in a civil partnership when they died, the surviving spouse receives the first £322,000 plus half the remaining estate. Children share the other half equally, or all of it if there's no surviving spouse. However, if your parent had an unmarried partner, that partner inherits nothing—only legal spouses and blood relatives inherit under intestacy. Stepchildren who weren't legally adopted also receive nothing.

Legal Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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