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How to Choose Guardians for Your Children: A UK Parent's Guide

· 27 min

Note: The following scenario is fictional and used for illustration.

Emma and Tom assumed they'd choose Emma's sister as guardian. She loved their two daughters, lived nearby, and had kids the same age. But when they sat down to actually write their will, they realized they'd never asked if she'd even want to take on that responsibility.

The conversation that followed revealed she was planning to relocate abroad for her husband's job within two years. Had they both died in an accident, their daughters would have faced an international move away from school, friends, and everything familiar—or gone to someone else entirely while courts sorted out arrangements.

Most parents assume the "obvious choice" for guardian without having crucial conversations. According to Seagull Legal Services, seven out of ten UK parents have no legal guardian appointed for their children. When both parents die without naming a guardian, children can be temporarily placed in care while courts decide their future.

This isn't about morbid thinking—it's about making a loving, informed decision while you have time to get it right. This article will walk you through exactly what to consider, who to talk to, common mistakes to avoid, and how to formalize your choice in a legally valid UK will.

Table of Contents

Why Choosing Guardians Matters (and What Happens If You Don't)

Choosing your children's guardian is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your will. It's also one of the most emotionally charged, which is why so many parents procrastinate.

The numbers tell a stark story. Child Bereavement UK reports that around 26,900 parents die each year leaving dependent children—that's one parent every 20 minutes. These deaths leave behind approximately 46,300 children aged 0-17 annually. Yet 70% of UK parents have no guardian appointed for their children. Learn about appointing backup guardians to ensure your children are protected.

Under the Children Act 1989, if both parents die without appointing a guardian, children become the responsibility of the court until a guardian is appointed. This process can take weeks or months. During this time, children may be placed in temporary foster care or with family members under interim arrangements while courts assess what's best.

Without your guidance, courts choose based on the child's best interests—but they won't know your values, your children's relationships, or what you would have wanted. They'll make the best decision they can with the information available, but it won't be your decision.

Children dealing with the grief of losing both parents shouldn't also face uncertainty about their future living arrangements. The decision to appoint guardians takes 15 minutes to formalize in your will. The consequences of not making it can affect your children for the rest of their lives.

This isn't about being pessimistic—it's about being responsible. It's about ensuring your children would be cared for by someone you trust, who shares your values, and who they already know and love.

Before diving into who to choose, let's clarify what the law requires. Understanding the legal framework helps you focus on the practical considerations that really matter.

Section 5 of the Children Act 1989 governs testamentary guardianship—the appointment of guardians through your will. Any parent with parental responsibility (typically both parents) can appoint guardians for their children.

The legal requirements are straightforward. Your guardian must be over 18 and mentally capable of caring for children. That's it. There's no requirement for them to be married, have children of their own, own property, or meet any specific income threshold.

Your guardian appointment takes effect only when your child has no surviving parent with parental responsibility. If you're married or in a partnership where both parents have parental responsibility, your appointment activates when both parents have died. The surviving parent continues to care for the children regardless of what your will says.

When your guardian appointment takes effect, that person receives parental responsibility. Under the Children Act 1989, parental responsibility means "all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent has" in relation to the child. In practical terms, guardians have legal authority to make day-to-day decisions about your children's upbringing, education, and medical care.

Guardianship lasts until your child turns 18. To appoint guardians, you must name them in your will in writing, dated and signed. While you don't legally need the guardian's consent before naming them, you absolutely should discuss it with them first—more on that later.

One important distinction often confuses parents: the difference between a guardian and a trustee.

Guardian vs. Trustee: What's the Difference?

Role Responsibility Duration Can Be Same Person?
Guardian Day-to-day care, upbringing, education, medical decisions Until child turns 18 Yes, but consider separating
Trustee Managing inheritance money for children's benefit Until specified age (often 18-25) Recommended to separate to provide oversight

Guardians raise your children. Trustees manage money you've left for your children through financial planning for children's inheritance. You can appoint the same person to both roles, but many parents separate them to provide financial oversight and prevent conflicts of interest.

The legal requirements are straightforward—the real challenge is choosing the right person.

The Essential Qualities to Look for in a Guardian

You're not looking for a perfect person. You're looking for the best fit among people who love your children. Here's what to evaluate when making your shortlist.

Relationship with your children

comes first. Does this person have an existing bond with your children? Do your children feel comfortable around them? Regular contact matters—children shouldn't be placed with someone they barely know, even if that person is technically family. Look for someone who shows genuine interest in your children's lives, remembers the details, and makes an effort to spend time with them.

Parenting values alignment

ranks equally high. You don't need someone who parents exactly like you, but major differences in values can create problems. Consider their approach to discipline, education priorities, religious or cultural values, attitudes toward screen time and activities, and general philosophy about childhood. If you value outdoor activities and they're committed to an academic, indoor lifestyle, that's a potential mismatch.

Stability and commitment

ensure your children won't face additional disruption. If you're choosing a couple, do they have a stable relationship? Are they established in their career and location, or likely to relocate frequently? Consider their age—will they be physically capable of raising children through age 18? A 65-year-old guardian will be 75 by the time your 10-year-old finishes secondary school.

Practical capacity

can't be ignored. Does this person have physical space in their home to accommodate additional children? Do they have basic financial stability (separate from any inheritance you leave)? If they already have children, can they manage more? Do they have the time and career flexibility to take on this responsibility?

David and Lisa chose David's brother Mark, who was single and childless. Mark adored their son and had flexible work. Three years later, Mark married someone with three children under 10. David and Lisa updated their will to name Lisa's parents as guardians instead, with Mark as backup guardians. Mark's circumstances were still suitable, but the couple wanted their son to receive more focused attention during grief.

Emotional capability

matters deeply. Your children will be grieving. They need someone with patience, warmth, and the ability to support children through trauma. Can this person handle the emotional intensity of raising bereaved children? Are they willing to maintain connections to your family, friends, and community so your children don't lose everything familiar?

Location considerations

affect your children's entire world. Would your children need to relocate if they went to live with this guardian? What would be the impact on their school, friendships, and access to extended family? Keeping children in familiar surroundings during grief can be enormously beneficial, but it's not always possible or the most important factor.

Priya and Anish initially chose Anish's parents as guardians for their three children (ages 2, 5, and 8). When they calculated that the grandparents would be 75 by the time the youngest turned 18, they reconsidered. They chose Priya's younger sister (age 32) as primary guardian with the grandparents as backup for short-term care if needed.

There's no perfect guardian—you're looking for the best fit among people who love your children and can provide them with a stable, loving home through to adulthood.

Should You Choose Family or Friends?

Many parents assume family is always the right choice for guardians. It's not that simple. Neither family nor friends are automatically better—relationship quality and practical factors matter most.

Family guardians offer real advantages. Your children already know them, often well. You likely share values and cultural heritage. Extended family support often comes more naturally when guardians are family members. There's a sense of continuity—your children stay within the family circle.

But family isn't always the best choice, and family relationships can complicate guardian decisions. Some family members may feel obligated to accept rather than genuinely wanting the responsibility. You might have relationship tensions with family members that would affect your children. Some family members may have outdated parenting styles or hold different values than you do now. And never assume family will automatically say yes—they deserve to be asked, not told.

Friends might be better suited in many situations. They may share a closer parenting philosophy with you. Their life circumstances might be more stable. They might have a better relationship with your children than some family members. Geographic proximity matters—friends who live nearby mean less disruption to your children's lives. And younger friends might have more energy and a longer timeframe for raising children to adulthood.

The myth of "keeping it in the family" creates unnecessary guilt. Children's wellbeing matters more than family politics. If your best friend is better equipped to raise your children than your sister, that's not a betrayal—it's good parenting.

Some cultures strongly prefer family guardians, and that preference deserves respect. But tradition should support your children's best interests, not override them. You can honor cultural values while still making the practical choice that serves your children best.

Many parents feel guilty choosing friends over family. Remember: you're not making a judgment about who you love more. You're making a practical decision about who can best raise your children. That's different, and it's okay to choose based on capability rather than bloodline.

Choose based on who will provide the best life for your children, not who will be least offended by your decision.

Joint Guardians vs. Single Guardians: What Works Best?

Once you've identified potential guardians, you need to decide whether to appoint a couple jointly or a single person. Each approach has advantages and considerations.

Appointing a couple as joint guardians

is the most common approach. It mirrors a two-parent household and provides shared decision-making and responsibilities. Two guardians can support each other through the challenges of raising children, especially bereaved children who may have significant emotional needs.

If you appoint a couple, consider what happens if they divorce or separate. Your will should ideally address this scenario. Most wills state that both continue as joint guardians, but you could specify that one becomes primary guardian. Without specification, courts would decide based on the children's best interests at that time.

Joint guardians have equal parental responsibility, which means they must agree on major decisions about your children's education, medical care, and upbringing. This shared responsibility protects against unilateral decisions but requires the couple to work together cooperatively.

Appointing a single guardian

simplifies decision-making and suits circumstances where one person is the ideal choice. Single guardians have sole parental responsibility and can make decisions independently, which can be more efficient. This works well for single close friends or family members, widowed parents or grandparents, or situations where you want clear, singular responsibility.

Appointing separate guardians for different children

is rarely recommended. Only consider this if you have significant age gaps (for example, an adult child and a toddler), children with very different needs (such as a special needs child requiring specialist care), or children who already have different relationships with different people.

The major downside of separating siblings is significant. It divides your family unit during the most traumatic time of your children's lives. It complicates estate division and inheritance. And research consistently shows that keeping siblings together benefits their emotional wellbeing after parental loss.

Do not appoint multiple people to "act together" unless they're a couple. Appointing three people to make joint decisions creates paralysis. What happens if they disagree? Who has the final say? You're setting up conflict and making it difficult for anyone to effectively parent your children.

In most cases, appoint a couple or single person per family unit to avoid complicated decision-making and ensure your children receive coherent, consistent care.

Why You Need Backup Guardians (and How Many)

Most parents who name guardians stop there. They choose one person or couple and assume that's sufficient. It's not.

Life changes. Only 56% of UK parents have updated their wills in the last 5 years, and circumstances can change dramatically in that time. Your guardian might move away, develop health issues, have more children, get divorced, face financial problems, or simply change their mind about being able to take on this responsibility.

Without backup guardians, your careful planning becomes worthless. If your primary guardian can't serve, your children go through the court process anyway—exactly what you were trying to avoid by naming a guardian in the first place.

Here's the recommended structure: name 2-3 backup options in order of preference. Your will should clearly state the sequence: if your primary guardian is unable or unwilling to serve, the first backup is approached. If the first backup can't serve, the second backup takes over.

Think about your backup guardians this way. Your primary guardian is your ideal choice based on current circumstances. Your first backup covers you if circumstances change—perhaps they've moved away, had health problems, or their family situation has changed. Your second backup is your absolute safety net—someone who might not be your first choice but who you trust completely to provide a good home for your children.

Sophie named her sister Claire as guardian, with her best friend Hannah as backup. Five years later, Claire moved to Scotland for work while Sophie lived in Kent. When Sophie reviewed her will, she switched the order: Hannah became primary guardian (her children wouldn't have to relocate) and Claire became backup. Both were consulted and agreed to the change.

The legal language is straightforward: "I appoint X as guardian of my children. If X is unable or unwilling to serve as guardian, I appoint Y. If Y is unable or unwilling to serve, I appoint Z." Your will-writing service should include this language automatically, but ensure the provision is clear.

Don't fall into the trap of only discussing guardianship with your primary choice. Talk to your backup guardians too. They deserve to know they're on your list, and you need to know they'd be willing to step in if circumstances required it.

Backup guardians aren't Plan B—they're insurance against life's unpredictability. They ensure your children will always have someone you've chosen and trust, no matter what changes in the years ahead.

The Conversations You Must Have Before Finalizing Your Choice

You've done the analysis. You know who you want to choose. Now comes the part many parents avoid: actually asking the person if they'll serve as guardian.

You must have this conversation. Guardians can refuse even if named in your will. It's far better to know now than have your children face rejection during their grief. And someone who feels pressured to accept might agree in principle but struggle when actually faced with raising your children.

Have this conversation before naming anyone in your will, and revisit it every few years when reviewing your will. Circumstances change, and consent given five years ago might not still apply.

Here's how to approach it: "We're making our wills and want to ask if you'd be willing to be guardian for [children's names] if something happened to both of us. It's incredibly unlikely you'd ever need to, but it would give us tremendous peace of mind. Can we talk about what that would mean?"

This opening acknowledges the low probability (which helps reduce anxiety) while treating it as a serious question worthy of genuine discussion. Then work through these questions together:

  1. Would you be willing and able to take on this responsibility?
  2. What concerns or questions do you have?
  3. How would this work with your current family situation? (space, finances, existing children)
  4. Would you be comfortable maintaining relationships with our extended family?
  5. Are there any of our parenting choices you'd want to discuss? (religion, education, discipline)
  6. What financial support would you need? (separate from inheritance—consider living expenses)
  7. Would you want to raise them in your home or consider moving to ours?

These questions get to practical realities that affect whether guardianship is truly feasible. The conversation might reveal concerns you can address. Perhaps they're worried about space—you could discuss whether they'd live in your home. Maybe they're concerned about finances—you can explain the inheritance you're leaving and life insurance policies.

If they say no, thank them for their honesty and don't pressure them. Better to know now and move to your next choice. Someone who doesn't want the responsibility shouldn't be forced into it, and they're doing you a favor by being honest rather than agreeing reluctantly.

If they're uncertain, give them time. Offer to let them discuss it with their partner or family, and suggest talking again in a few weeks. This is a major commitment and they deserve time to consider it properly.

After they agree, send a follow-up email summarizing your discussion and thanking them. This creates a written record of the conversation and confirms mutual understanding. You might write something like: "Thank you so much for agreeing to be guardian for Emma and Jack. As we discussed, this would only happen if both of us died, and we've arranged for life insurance and our estate to provide financial support. We'll give you a copy of our will once it's finalized, and we'll review this every few years to make sure it still works for everyone."

This conversation might feel awkward. Do it anyway. This conversation is an act of love for your children—it ensures the person who'd raise them has genuinely agreed and understands what they're taking on.

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Choosing Guardians

Even with the best intentions, parents make predictable mistakes when choosing guardians. Learn from these common pitfalls.

Mistake 1: Choosing based on who "should" be guardian rather than who's best suited.

Many parents choose their own parents because "they raised me, so they should raise my children." But if your parents are 70 and struggling with energy levels, are they really the best choice to raise a toddler through to age 18? Choose based on current circumstances and the next 18 years, not past relationships or who "deserves" the role.

Mistake 2: Not appointing backup guardians.

You name one guardian and assume that's sufficient. Five years later, your guardian moves abroad, becomes seriously ill, or their circumstances change dramatically. Without backups, you're back where you started—with no valid guardian appointment. Always name 2-3 backups in order of preference.

Mistake 3: Splitting up siblings.

Some parents try to "be fair" to multiple family members by appointing different guardians for different children. Unless there's a compelling reason (such as a major age gap or special needs requiring specialist care), keep siblings together. Separating them during the trauma of losing both parents causes additional harm and creates ongoing complications with estate division and family relationships.

Mistake 4: Assuming the "obvious choice" without asking.

You name your sister as guardian without discussing it. You later discover she's planning to relocate, she's already stretched with four children, or she's going through a divorce. The "obvious choice" isn't always willing or able. Have explicit conversations before naming anyone.

Mistake 5: Forgetting to update as circumstances change.

The guardian you named 10 years ago might now be divorced, struggling financially, living abroad, or facing health problems. Life changes, and your will should reflect current reality. Review your guardian choice every 2-3 years or after major life changes (yours or theirs).

Mistake 6: Confusing guardianship with trusteeship.

Some parents choose someone who's excellent with money but not particularly warm or nurturing, thinking they'll just "manage" the children and the inheritance. Guardians raise children day-to-day—that's about emotional capability, patience, and love. Trustees manage inheritance money. These are different roles and can be filled by different people.

Mistake 7: Letting family politics dictate choice.

You choose your brother to avoid offending him, even though your best friend is better suited to raise your children. Put your children's wellbeing above adult feelings. Your children will live with this decision; adult family members will get over their feelings.

Most mistakes come from avoiding difficult decisions or conversations. Facing these challenges now protects your children later. It's uncomfortable, but it's part of responsible parenting.

How to Formalize Your Guardian Choice in Your Will

You've made your decision, had the conversations, and confirmed your guardians' willingness. Now you need to formalize it in a legally valid UK will.

Your will must include clear identification of your guardians by full legal name. Include their address to avoid ambiguity (you might know three people named John Smith—the court needs to know which one). Name your backup guardians in order of preference with the same level of detail.

Your will should state that the appointment takes effect only when both parents have died (if both have parental responsibility). This prevents confusion about when guardianship begins and ensures the surviving parent's rights are clear.

While not legally required, consider including a brief explanation of why you chose these guardians. This helps courts if your appointment is ever challenged. It doesn't need to be long—a sentence explaining they share your values, have strong relationships with your children, and have the capacity to provide a loving, stable home is sufficient.

Here's an example of effective will language:

"I appoint Sarah Jane Mitchell of 42 Oak Avenue, Manchester M15 4PR to be the guardian of my children Emma Rose Thompson and Jack Daniel Thompson. If Sarah Jane Mitchell is unable or unwilling to act as guardian, I appoint David Michael Clarke of 18 Elm Street, Leeds LS1 3AB. I have chosen these individuals because they share my values, have strong relationships with my children, and have the capacity to provide a loving, stable home."

WUHLD makes this process straightforward. Our guided questions walk you through the guardian decision step by step. You can name multiple backup guardians with automatic legal formatting. You can preview your complete will before paying anything, so you can see exactly how your guardian appointments will appear in the legal document. All for £99.99 vs. £650+ with a traditional solicitor.

After your will is signed and witnessed (making it legally valid), take several important steps. Give a copy to your guardians so they have access if needed. Don't just tell them it exists—provide an actual copy. Tell your guardians where the original will is stored so they can access it when necessary.

Provide your guardians with key information they'll need: your children's medical history, current school and teacher names, close friends' contact information, extended family contacts, any special needs or requirements, and daily routines and preferences. This information isn't part of the will itself, but it helps guardians step in smoothly.

Consider writing a letter of wishes with non-legal guidance. This isn't part of your will and isn't legally binding, but it gives your guardians insight into your hopes for your children's upbringing. You might include preferences about education, religious upbringing, special family traditions you want continued, and your children's interests and activities.

Your guardian choice isn't permanent—you can and should update it. Review your choice every 2-3 years even if nothing has changed. Update after major life changes: your guardian has significant life changes (divorce, health issues, relocation), you move to a different area, your children's relationships shift, or more children are born.

Making changes requires a new will or codicil (a legal amendment to an existing will). WUHLD makes updates straightforward—you can create an updated will whenever your circumstances change.

What if your guardian appointment is challenged? Courts' primary concern is always the child's best interests. Your written choice in a valid will carries significant weight in court decisions. Courts consider the child's wishes (if they're old enough to express a view), the guardian's suitability, and existing relationships between the child and potential guardians.

Having a clear, recently updated will with reasoning makes successful challenges much less likely. Courts respect parents' wishes and override them only when there's genuine concern about the child's welfare.

Once you've made the decision, formalizing it takes 15 minutes with WUHLD's online will service. That small time investment ensures your children's future is secure.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I need to ask someone before naming them as guardian in my will?

While legally you don't need someone's permission to name them as guardian in your will, you absolutely should ask them first. Guardians can refuse the role even if named, so it's crucial to confirm their willingness and discuss practical concerns before making your will. Having this conversation ensures they genuinely want the responsibility and understand what it involves.

Can grandparents be guardians?

Yes, grandparents can be guardians if they're over 18 and willing to serve. However, consider whether they'll have the energy and health to care for children through age 18. If your parents are 65 now, they'll be 75 by the time your 10-year-old reaches adulthood. Many parents choose younger guardians with grandparents as backup for short-term care situations.

What happens if my appointed guardian refuses?

If your appointed guardian refuses, your backup guardian (if named) is approached next. Without a backup, the court must appoint someone, which can take weeks or months while children are in temporary care. This is why naming 2-3 backup guardians in order of preference is crucial—it protects against refusal or changed circumstances.

Can you appoint different guardians for different children?

Legally yes, but it's rarely recommended. Separating siblings during the traumatic time of losing both parents can harm their wellbeing and complicates estate division. Only consider different guardians if there's a compelling reason, such as significant age gaps (an adult child versus a toddler) or special needs requiring specialist care. In most cases, keeping siblings together serves their best interests.

Do guardians get paid?

Guardians aren't paid for their role, but they may be eligible for Guardian's Allowance (£22.10 per week as of April 2025) if certain criteria are met. Many parents leave their estate or life insurance to their children, which guardians can use for the children's care and upbringing. Consider discussing financial concerns with potential guardians to ensure they can manage the practical costs of raising your children.

What if my ex-partner disagrees with my guardian choice?

If your ex has parental responsibility, they would need to be deceased for your guardian appointment to take effect. If your ex is alive, they retain parental responsibility and would likely be the children's primary carer regardless of your will. In complex situations involving contested custody or concerns about the other parent, consult a family law solicitor for advice specific to your circumstances.

Protecting Your Children's Future Starts Today

You've now got a complete framework for choosing guardians for your children. Here's what to do next:

  • Make your shortlist: Write down 2-3 potential primary guardians and evaluate them against the essential qualities: relationship with your children, values alignment, stability, practical capacity, emotional capability, and location. Consider both family and friends based on suitability, not obligation.

  • Have the conversations: Don't name anyone in your will before asking them. Use the question framework to have honest discussions about willingness, concerns, and practicalities. Give them time to consider and discuss with their family if needed.

  • Structure your choices: Decide between joint guardians (a couple) or a single guardian based on your circumstances. Always name 2-3 backups in order of preference to protect against changed circumstances.

  • Create your will: Formalize your decision in a legally valid UK will with clear guardian appointments, backup options, and reasoning. With WUHLD, you can complete the entire process online in 15 minutes for £99.99.

  • Document and communicate: Give copies to your guardians, tell them where the original is stored, provide key information about your children, and review your choice every 2-3 years or after major life changes.

Choosing guardians is one of the most loving decisions you can make as a parent. It's not about expecting tragedy—it's about ensuring your children would be cared for by someone you trust, who shares your values, and who they already know and love. The peace of mind that comes from making this decision is immediate, and it's a gift both to your children and to the person who'd step in to care for them.

Ready to protect your children's future? Create your will with WUHLD today—our guided online service walks you through appointing guardians, dividing your estate, and completing all legal requirements in just 15 minutes.

For just £99.99 (compared to £650+ with a solicitor), you'll get:

  • Your complete, legally binding will with guardian appointments
  • A 12-page Testator Guide explaining how to execute your will properly
  • A Witness Guide to give to your witnesses
  • A Complete Asset Inventory document

Ready to Create Your Will?

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Legal Disclaimer:

This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. WUHLD is not a law firm and does not provide legal advice. Laws and guidance change and their application depends on your circumstances. For advice about your situation, consult a qualified solicitor or regulated professional. Unless stated otherwise, information relates to England and Wales.

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